In The Lair of the Draca (Book 2)

In the Lair of the Draca (Book 2) Chater 46: The Pain of Truth

"...Jeanette?"

Julian's voice.

He sounded concerned and, oh, so beautiful...but for once, Jeanette was sobbing too hard to marvel at what had always been, in her eyes, his adonis-like perfection. After hearing the final pronouncement of Hidden Wells' Elders and tearing out of the cramped little lodge in humiliated shock, Jeanette had raced back down the meandering path that led away from the tiny little village, ignoring the curious looks of ETs she passed along the way. Women who jiggled toddlers on their hips slogged past and exchanged curious smiles, while little boys with dirty noses followed behind for a time, shouting gleefully in the tongue of the Evening Folk: "Look at how big her feet are!"

Marry one of them? Was that what these mantis-eyed aliens expected her to do? Copulate with an ET and carry one of their bug-eyed offspring in her as-yet unpolluted womb, like some kind of parasite? What was wrong with these people? Why, they weren't even People-- only skewed look-a-likes-- and they would never succeed in being as great as members of Jeaette's own human race.

And so she had stumbled like a mad woman, ignoring the harried barks of dogs like Sport, who were nearly the size of bulls. Tears poured, staining the front of her billowing chemise. Her nose dripped, and Jeanette tripped twice on her way to the village outskirts. Strange, thorned plants raked their tips against the already-scabbed skin of her thighs, opening old wounds and causing angry-looking welts to raise across her shins, like rosy zig-zags.

When she could press on no longer, Jeanette collapsed right onto the path where she stopped, legs splayed out behind her like a rag doll's as she sobbed into her arms, wishing she had been incinerated when the Celestial's ill-timed explosion.

She couldn't deal with it here: the foreignness, the unnatural sight of Twin Moons shining down onto the world in shades of blood-red, the fields and trees and plants that did not even come close to any she had ever seen. 'Dogs' the size of deer; 'People' a head shorter than she who looked at her as though she were the alien. Why? What did the Cosmos have against her?

"Jeanette!" Julian's voice was growing closer; he must have left the lodge shortly after she had in order to catch up. Jeanette ignored him, clutching fistfuls of grass so tightly that she feared they might take up root in her palms, and wept all the harder.

Why, God? Didn't I do everything I was supposed to? Didn't I do good in lessons? Didn't I return my Desk-Views at the end of each class instead of pilfering them, like some of the girls? Didn't I do my research, get first chair as cello player, land a first-rate job as one of Dr. Zale's assistants on the Celestial when the time came to leave my family and make it on my own?

Why, God, couldn't I just go quickly like the rest of the crew on General Ames' ship? A blow on the head, implosion after being hurled out of a window-- even burning to death would have been better than this. Why, Lord?

Why?

"Why keep asking 'why'?"

Julian had found her and now crouched at her side. Sniffling, Jeanette sat up, feeling only slightly better in his presence, and smoothed her hair, trying to make herself look halfway presentable. "Did-- did I say that out loud?"

"Among other things."

She dared look up at him then. He appeared the same: peaked, concerned, incredibly handsome.

"Julian, I wanna be left alone."

"Your behavior is going to be concerning to Lu-Lu's mother, and it might wind up getting us thrown out of here if you don't stop acting erratically and at least pretend as though you're going to follow the rules."