My Theory of Love

Does the love everyone raves about last? The one Nicholas Spark's swears by and the teenage girls pine after? I feel like it must whither out. Nothing lasts that long. The relationship might keep going because of financial support or the feeling of being tied down and stuck to that person through a marriage certificate. Does it really stay as magical as they say? Is it as good as Rose says it is even though Jack has been dead for over 70 years? Is it as good as Noah feeling the need to still stay with Allie in her ill state? How can something keep going for that long without becoming boring? Without changing into hostility? Without losing that so-called "magical feeling?" I have never witnessed such things.

My parents divorced after being together for over twenty years. Did they lose that magical feeling? Did they no longer feel the need to love one another and instead transform it into hate? Another point, my oh-so depressing psych teacher brought up the real question: Do you know who you love? Someone could act like a love sick, happy go-lucky person, and have another fall for them and believe they truly knew every part of them. Just for them to actually show their true colors. To only see a shadow of the person they pretended to be for so many years. For the spark to dissipate, because the spark was not actually with that person. It was with their alter ego who is much more flattering.

I believe that's what happened to my parents. That they believed for seven years of dating that they loved one another with every nerve and muscle. But that a couple of years into their marriage they began to feel more comfortable and come out more as the people they really are. And then managed to drive each other away with blaring shouts and dodgy phone calls. Or even worse: They discovered each other's' true selves and tried to fall in love again with this raw new person, for it to be inevitable. Fate wasn't meant for them to be with their true selves but instead their false disguises.

This is what scares me the most in relationships. Not the fact that I won't ever find love, but the fact that I could fall in love with a person I see as great. The person I never see any flaws in and then bam. They show me their flaws and I won't accept them because I didn't love that version of them. Or vice versa. Or rather I will openly show them my flaws and they will deceive me into believing that they love me. Just to crush me into a million pieces. I've loved too many (friendship wise) and been crushed too many times in my life to want to open up for people again. And the thought of someone I love dear to my heart withering away into my inability to conceive any emotion for them is terrifying.

I don't want to find out that the movies aren't real. That the books lied to me. That the people surrounding me in happy marriages are faking it to deceive me into yearning for my very own "true love". It seems cruel and a bit sadistic that I believe that love dies, but I want someone to prove me wrong. I want someone to show me that The Notebook was right. That The Titanic's love wasn't just a figment of my imagination. That what every other hormonal and confused teenaged girl's idea of love was everything they could imagine and more. That they will love me until the moment I die. Scratch that; that they will love me for an eternity.

If someone can prove that to me, then I will give up every ounce of my idea of love not lasting. That my idea of happily ever after doesn't end after twenty years of bickering and disappointment. That it never ends.

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OK so I wrote this a few months ago, in December to be exact when I was having majors writing block for the Mafia's Dive Girl (and then ended it abruptly after writing it for a whole year. It's actually 200 pages on my laptop I just haven't posted it) and I found it again after rethinking the subject.

This is every bit of how I feel: that love eventually dies. If you wish to contradict this statement, fine by me, it's my own opinion and my friends try to convince me everyday it's not true haha:). But I would love for some Prince Charming to prove me wrong and sweep me off my feet. The whole idea of true love is fascinating to me and I would for that to happen, but the fact is that I'm a bit too much of a realist to believe it would happen to me.

And I have seen happy couples, don't worry I don't live in a terrifyingly sad world where I don't see couples married for years, I mean both my grandparents are still married. But I just think it eventually dies out IdK.

COMMENT your own opinion and if you agree or would like to see more of these kinds of things where I write about my opinions on certain matters:).

Thanks for reading and sorry this note is SO damn long. Love (or maybe not;)) ~Bella