Now he will love me. [ nanowrimo 2017 ]

1

"Vencida al fin la cumber, Del ar siempre sonante, de la muda campana..." The soft words of my hand maid drift across my room as she read to me. The poetry is something I can enjoy. It allows me to see and to be in the world around me. Mother sometimes comes to tell me stories of what has happened that day of how hamson Catharine looked at the party or how fathers trading was going. I suppose that I am lucky that my family is wealthy that my father is an earl. I sometimes try to imagine what it would be like if I was from a poor family. I imagine that they love me so much that it breaks their hearts when they have to leave me as they cannot afford to keep me. I hear their sobs as walk past me in the street brought on by seeing a broken body on the street that they had to let go of to survive. I would not hate them as I love them as equally as they do and that this is the only way I can help them because to them I am worthless. A tear roles down my face. "Amelia? What is the matter?" My hand maid Ruth asks me when she sees the tear.

"Oh it is nothing new. I just wish to see. To see the face of love and its beauty." I whisper with longing.

Ruth comes across the room to where I am sitting and pulls me in to a hug. Her kind soft voice whispers. "Oh my dear friend, I wish many times that I could give you one of my eyes just so you can see how much I love you." When my mother first found out of my condition it broke her heart. My mother was wise and caring so found a child from the village and put her at my side. Ruth and I were schooled together and beside each other ever since. It was like Amelia Howard was split in two the one who could see and support and the one who took.

"It is fine, can you please go to my window and tell me what you see again please?" I am thankful for Ruth because she all I have she is my eyes and I want to be pleasant so she will stay.

I hear Ruth's muffled footsteps walk to the window and the scrape of the chair that is seated there.

"The courtyard is not very busy today. A young boy is with his father unloading a cart of vegetables. A few chickens are pecking about I think I can see Sunset, Brook and Fireclay. Oh what is the name of the one who is mostly white with the grey bits?"

"Joy."

"Oh yes. Well Joy is trying to boss Sunset, she is all puffed up but Sunset is not having it and is exogring Joy."

"Sunset is the leader and she knows it, she won't let anyone come between her and a juicy bug."

Ruth giggles and lookout past the courtyard "The oak trees are really swaying about the wind must be quite strong, the clouds are moving quite fast too you can still see a little bit of blue. I don't think it will rain as the clouds are too high."

"Ruth do you think mother will come to see me today?"

"I believe so, there is to be a family dinner tonight with your father."

"When will that be?"

"I believe we have a short while till we have to get you dressed."

"Think I will like to work on my blanket."

Ruth brings over the blanket weaver stand. My brother had the idea for this. The stand has a plank of wood that goes under my chair and on each side two polls come up to the height of my waist then on the end of the poles have the left and right arm which almost touch in the middle. There is a gap in the middle and small piece of wood on the ends to stop the stiches to fall off. This knitting is the same as knitting with your arms except you are not trapped with the wool stuck to your arms. I like to make blankets so I can be of use and give them to the people who cannot afford them. The blanket I am working on now Ruth has told me is a greyish pink. Ruth helps me by making sure I am feed the yarn properly and that I do not miss a stich, nowadays I hardly make any mistakes so Ruth has an easy job. I thread the string though the first loop on the left arm and remove that stich from the left arm and then the loop I just made by threading the first loop I hang it on to the right arm and then again and again till all the stiches are on the right side. With normal knitting you would turn it over so you can knit the next row but this is a bit of a nuisance with my stand so I knit backwards this is quite easy because instead of putting the yarn thought the front of the loop you thread it thought the back. I quickly do think seven rows when Ruth puts her hand on my hands to stop me.

"It is time to prepare for dinner."

Ruth helps me in to my beautiful dress and sits me down in a chair so she can work on my hair and weave it in to a flattering design. I run my hands over my skirts one of the plus side of going to diner like this, is that I get to where this dress uslely I where ruff cotton dresses but this dress is silky and soft. "Ruth can you please remind me of what colour this dress is."

Ruth sighs as this happens each time I put this dress on. "This colour is a light blue a mix with forget me nots and a blue sky where the sky is at its lightest."

A memory of the sky with white fluffy clouds pop in to my head I am not sure of what shade of the sky Ruth was talking about I know the sky is beasufle so I know that the dress must be preaty. I turn around to Ruth. "this is the first time you have gave the decrptions using the sky you have always used the colour of forget me not's. I have forgotten the colour of forget me nots, a little ironic it is. Why have you added the colour of the sky this time?"

Ruth sighs again but this time it is different a sigh of longing but mixed with something else that I don't recognise. " I have just been looking at the sky very often recently." Ruth gently pushes me so I am sitting back in my chair and continues working on my hair.

Confused I ask "Is that what you have been doing with your time off. I thought you would be shopping and happily socialising with someone other than me."

"oh I have been doing those things but for some reason I have just been drawn to the beauty of the sky it is like a canvas ever changing to something new sometimes angry sometimes soft and as the sun sets, orange streaks across the shy like a field of tulips and then finally turn to black but the little lights sparkles and light it up so it does not feel empty."

This time I let out a sigh "I wish I could see that but think my imagination was pretty enough for me."