Ideas and thoughts

...

Insanity is what I may seem to be living in.
Crazy is what I would clasified as.
The things that I do.
The thoughts that I run through.
The feeling that kills me.
That tears me from the inside and no one can see.
That no one should ever have to see.
My efforts deemed as nothing more than pain, or abuse to myself.
I would be seen as an outcast more than I already do.
Its not okay to do what I feel driven to.
I restrain.
I try.
I never want these thoughts or feelings.
I don't want what may be in my head.
I don't want to worry others.
I don't want this mentality.
I wish everything could stop.
Though the way I wish the world was.
The way it could be will never be possible.
I just want everyone happy.
I want to be happy.
And safe.
And okay.
What I do.
The way I live is to try to be okay.
The way I try to change is to be okay.
But its never good enough.
No one is ever satisfied.
Nothing I do is right.
All I do is cause pain.
To others.
To myself...
At times...
But I still restrain.
Though I still bear the scars of what I cause.
Be it mental and memories...
Or the physical ones...
I want to be happy with the one I love.
And I am nervous about life.
But I wish I could just work it out.
Instead of only causing...