color my heart//phan (discontinued)

darkness

✿Dan's P.O.V✿

My life is full of darkness. I have emotions, but not the good ones. I see no colors. After he left me, I haven't had joy. I haven't been happy. I haven't loved anyone other than my family. But family is family, and you love them even after the shit they do.

He ruined it all. He came into my life, fucked it up, and left. Just like a kid with a new toy. He used me for a while, got bored, and threw me back with all the toys he doesn't feel like playing with anymore.

*~~~~*

"Dan, we have to talk." The man in front of me inched closer. I backed away in fear. Saying 'we have to talk' always ended badly.

"What do we have to talk about?" I asked, hands trembling, knee's shaking, in fear of what was to come.

I've always been like that, scared. It was something everyone made fun of me about. They'd tease me, push me on the ground, and watch me cowar in fear.

"You know what Danny boy? I'm sick of this. You're just a small little child in that adult body of yours. You won't let me kiss you, and you won't let me have sex with you. We've been together for a year now, and you still don't trust me?"

"It's not like that-" he cuts me off.

"It's not like what? You're a little pussy that won't let me love you! I'm tired of this shit! Why are you like this?! I love you with my heart and soul and you won't even say it back!" He grabs his car keys and walks to the door.

"It's hard for me! You know this! I live life in constant fear!" I argue back.

"Well Daniel, find someone that has the time to help you with that. Because I sure as hell don't." He slams the door shut. I drop to my knees, and grab fistfuls of hair in my hand. I let go, pick up a picture of us, throw it at a wall, and watch it shatter. I decided I can't live in fear anymore.

"It's all your fault, Damian."

*~~~~*

After he left, I was void of color. I've seen the same look in peoples eyes when they looked at me. Disgust. Hatred. Pity.

No one has ever looked at me with loving eyes, or even eyes that we're friendly. And I liked it that way. I didn't need their pity.

My brother, Tyler, meant everything to me. Whenever someone picked on him, I told them to fuck off. The kids at his school hated me, but were scared of me. When he would come home from school with a smile on his face, looking at me with happiness in his eyes, I'd smile right back. But not a real smile, a fake one. I couldn't even manage happiness for my own brother.

♡Phil's P.O.V♡

"C'mon Phil, you have to find yourself a boyfriend! I love you, but you can't just be a lazy bum eating food, watching anime on the couch for the rest of your life! You need love sweetheart. You need it badly." Tyler jokes, nudging me in the shoulder, "I mean, look at me and Troye. We found each other, and now it's true love!"

"Yea, you guys are gonna get married and adopt kids and have a happy family because you guys are perfect for each other: If he can ever stop to see you after a while." I say, kinda disappointed.

"It's okay, he's a singer, he's gonna be busy, Phil. He might not have much time for me but I know he loves me." He says, looking down at his feet with a sad expression.

"Hey it's okay, he's visiting next week isn't he?"

"Yea, I think. But I have to go run a few errands. I'll see you sometime this week okay?"

"Yea, bye Tyler."

"Bye Phil!" And with that, he's gone. I can tell he's pretty upset about Troye.

"Maybe I do need love." I say to myself.

I've always wanted love. I've had love before, but no one could share who I am with me. Everyone of them couldn't feel what I feel or see what I see. I just need to find that person in my life that will take me for me. I've always been a happy person, not really thinking about the bad stuff in life.

I grab my keys and decide to go to the café and game store. Café first because I'm hungry and new video games can wait.

After I get to the café, I'm greeted by the smell of Coffee and food. "FOOD!" I scream, not caring what other people think of me.

"Well I see your aren't dead yet," says Louise after my sudden outburst.

"Yep, not dead. At least I don't think so," I pinch my cheeks, "Yep, still alive."

"That's good, let me guess, the usual?"

"Yasss," I say, suddenly thinking about food and cutting out my surroundings.

I really do hope nothing bad happens with Tyler and Troye. They're a great couple but Troye never makes time for Tyler. I get he's a star and all, but love is more important than fame in my opinion.

Louise comes back with my food, snapping me out of my trance.

"You should sit with that lovely man over there, maybe you can cheer him up."

Where she points, my eyes follow. I'm suddenly looking at beautiful chocolatey brown eyes, hair like mine but brown, clothes as black as night. He even looks around my age.

I smile at Louise, thanking her while taking my food. I walk over to the man, even though he looks like he doesn't want anyone to even look at me.

"Hello, is this seat taken?" I ask.

"No, I was leaving anyways," the man says, picking up his stuff, getting ready to leave.

"No, No, No, you don't need to leave I just wanted to say hi."

"Well I'd rather you not." He says, getting up, obviously not liking my presence.

"Oh c'mon, don't be like that."

"I can be whoever I want to be." He says leaving.

Don't worry. I'm determined to get your name, and I'm not going to stop until I get it.

~Well hey guys, back with another story, except this one I know is gonna be way better than the others.

You see, I started on this book around January-February-ish, maybe even December 2016. But as I say in every book I've done lol I haven't been that motivated to write plus I'm stacked with homework and chores and it sound like I'm just making excuses and maybe I am but really I want to do this story but I'm never in the mood or there's always a reason.

p.s. im extremely depressed at this point in time and i know you'll just say get over it but i cant so idk

Anyways, I hope you liked it, and do me a favor and stay and read the other chapters coming up!