Rush's Book of Insanity: Part Three

Inverse + me sadly rambling about fandoms

I legit get teary

And then I have to hide under blankets for an hour and draw feels

Im like

Really worried about episode four

Really

freakin

worried

who's gonna die

im scared

My sister keeps calling me a hypocrite, because I'm so worried about someone dying

She's like 'You kill everyone in fanfiction, what's the difference?"

It's...so much difference.

I can hurt them in fanfiction because I know that in s2, in canon, they're going through hell, but they're still okay

After ep 2 came out I had a lot of trouble writing AWU because I knew, that in the future of the story, Lukas and Petra weren't going to be their usual selves. I knew that they weren't speaking.

And AWU happens WAY before that, but it's just...I knew what was in store for them if AWU was canon, and I couldn't move past that

So if someone dies in canon

I won't be able to write them the same way

...I need to vent

Not rant

vent

Fandoms have both broken me and fixed me at the same time. I don't know who I would be if I didn't spend all my money on new books, or silently cry over fictional characters, or dream about living in a fantasy realm.

I live in a fictional world

I need fiction

Because I hate the real world so damn much

Fantasy is my only escape from reality

It's where I really feel safe

People think it's weird that I'm so damn attached to fictional characters

But I need to be

If I focused more on the real world instead of the make-believe ones, I'd drown

Drown in the pain of 'real life'. In the fact that our whole world is falling apart, with humanity holding the checkered flag at the end of the race.

Reality has slowly been chipping away at my faith in the world for several years now. It's not carving a statue, or trying to make anything out of me. It's just making a mess.

Fiction is my sanctuary. I can escape into a book or game or movie or show, and I can live there for a little while. I don't have to be sixteen. I don't have responsibilities. I don't have to meet my own impossible expectations. I'm not a disappointment to everyone I meet.

I'm just a girl, hiding in a crumbling fantasy world.

I don't much believe in hope and change anymore. To me, that's just the stuff of fantasy. I don't think the human race can save the world or ourselves, partly because we don't know how, and partly because we hope someone else will.

...

Ok Nina it's time for you to go back to your lonely treehouse thank you

*ahem*

Ending note from Rochelle?

'People don't seem to understand that books aren't just words on a page. Books can move me to laugh and to cry. They make me pay attention to things in a different way. Books have changed my life more than people have. I can sympathize with the characters, pretend I'm in a fantasy world. Books have moved me, made me hate and love. Books have made me a better person. They taught me to listen, they opened my eyes and made me think. I don't know where I would be without them.'

Im sad :'D

-rush left to probably draw feelsy things-