suicide

I woke to my alarm and instantly burst into tears, waking up was the last thing I wanted today.

I always set my alarm early enough to compose myself, do my makeup and make sure I hide any trace of emotions before my mum see's me. I only ever saw mum in the morning dad worked nights so... I mean do I really have to explain further?.

I put my makeup on and practiced smiling in my mirror then got dressed for school and headed out giving a short goodbye to my mum as I left.

As I walked through my school gates I remembered every single reason I didn't want to wake up this morning.

When half the guys in school claim to have slept with you and the other half consistently try, it's like swimming in a shark tank with an open wound.

I walked through the corridor and even felt judged by some teachers.

The worst part was I understood why I felt this way, I was smart enough to know the science behind my depression but I still couldn't help it, no matter how much I tried. No matter how well I understood the chemicals in my brain.

I sat in English literature, hearing all the guys behind me talking about me. Guys I didn't know the names of saying how great I was the other night or how amazing my ass was, I'd be flattered if it was just a casual compliment but, it wasn't.

That was it. Tonight was the night. I swallowed 50 pain killers and I went to sleep, never to wake again.

I woke to my alarm and instantly burst into tears, waking up was the only thing I didn't want today.