I waited in that timeless room. That timeless room with dust filled air. That timeless room where the clock hesitates before taking another step forward. I waited for an eternity, losing myself in my unconscious mind. Head filling with the cool waters of unwanted probability.
"Miss Smith?" asked a voice peering through the door, blue clipboard in hand, checking their list with the tip of a pen - a faint trail of black ink behind it.
I awoke, surfacing from the deep waters of my mind, taking in a deep breath. Looking round to the doorway; I awkwardly raised my hand with a little laugh, every sickly eye now peering over and resting on me.
"This way then Miss Smith." beckoned the voice as it turned away and walked along the narrow corridor. Quickly. I stood up, folding my crimson coat over my arm. I rushed across what seemed like a vast expanse, that had become the waiting room, and into the confined corridor - attempting to catch up. They turned swiftly on their polished heals and outstretched a long bony arm towards the door, a personal greeting from death himself. As I stepped into the cleaner scented room,behind me, I heard the door click...
"Cancer, cancer, cancer." the word twisted and turned, folded and creased inside my mind. It echoed against the black and empty halls in my head. My fingers twitched and my stomach curled. My ears rang with the woeful words.
Grey skies loomed outside the car's window. Raindrops gently glided down the screen. A foggy layer of cooling breath rested against the cold glass, disappearing at each inhale.
It was treatable, that's what the doctor had told me. All that was needed was for me to go into a stagnant hospital and have my bloodstream pumped up with red radiation - simple right? But at what cost? How much, if any, extra time will it hand to me?
I spent weeks curled up in front of the bright television light, that danced on my face at each scene change. Safe, snug, on the sofa. Flicking between channels and getting into the habit of times wasting by scanning for a new series on Netflix.
I looked towards my open doorway out the corner of my eye, watching the waiting shadow that lent against the tall, oaken, frame; arms folded using an elbow to prop themselves up. It took a long deep sigh before slowly pacing over - resting uneasily before me.
"Look love, I know it looks bleak but see the bright side," It paused, searching for a response, as I averted their gaze, "You have a chance, a real chance to make a difference." Me eyes rolling back towards the shaded figure. "I was talking to Sadie and she said that, in a week or two, there's a run, a fun one, a fun run." They smiled nervously as they slightly tripped on their trembling words, "It'll get you out of the house, maybe you'll enjoy it? You never know 'till you try."
I found myself, somehow, agreeing. Each day seemed sweeter than the last, trekking through woodland and tracing the block. Hearing my feet patter against the pavement. My muscles cramped and pulled, readying themselves for the race ahead - at least they were still the same.
Summer sprang back to life, like changing the gears in a car.
Hazy days on sandy beaches. Ice cream dripping down my chin. Loved ones laughing around me, helping me through the darkness of days. Waiting patiently for the fateful day...
Cotton top; tight trousers; a bright blue sport drink, I was ready. The start line was bustling with people stretching in professional clothing, their perfect handwriting standing out from the paper numbers pressed onto their backs and fronts. I looked round - out of place. Fingers tensing in anticipation. The speakers surrounding the start line called out for us to ready ourselves generating a second pulse within me.
Bang!
The shot fired to mark the start of the run. I found myself being thrust forwards, setting me off balance, carried away by the crowd like a mosh pit at a rave. Soon the horde dispersed and I was left with a few scattered souls.
Stitches in my sides. My feet ached, tired. My chest tense and breathless. I paced myself as spotted the finishing line.
Suddenly my body screamed a silent scream. The air thumped against my ears, my heart beating in my mouth. I saw images of my childhood, achievements and regrets flashed before my eyes ,like a quick burst on a iPhone camera, as I fell to my knees. The hair on the back of my neck prickled. Every breath clenched my chest harder making me thirsty for air.
Blood pumped viciously around my body. My colour drawing out my face, an image of a pale spectre. The air around me turned cold. Heat waves stood still as the world stopped and slowed.
My companions warm hand touched my shoulder, sinking to my level. Silent words drifted, lost, through the air. All I knew was to nod, biting the inside of my lip. I crawled over the finishing line, clenching my hands around my pulsating head and straight into their charcoal black car.
My eyes fluttered open - staring into the sterile abyss, unnatural, clinical. The air tasting of disinfectant. Clean, pure of the world's morals. Time wasted away, unable to track, as me and my body lost consciousness...
I couldn't breathe. My airway barricaded by pipes. My fingers and toes twitched, slumbering. My forearm heavy with the catheter embed.
Voices patrolled the wards. Robotic in their movements. Shadows behind the colourful curtain that confined the world to my hospital bed. The precise corners and over washed sheets of the bedding glowed a bright white light.
Shadows and friends visited, sitting on the metal chair, cushioned with royal blue fabric. Fingers pressed to their lips as I scanned the ceiling. Time and time again they came, no words exchanged; no eyes meeting; no recurring memories of happier summer days.
Before I had not dipped into the realisation of my mortality. I had made my decisions and set my beliefs. Now was different. It had spread through my body so that death was inevitable. I often saw him standing over me on rainy days or in the white flash before thunder.
Weeks past and I felt no different. The weekly routine of my 'therapy' prolonged. I felt my integrity dwindle and fade with the deadly poisons insertion. I felt my body weaken, my strength crumble away.
I lay there in that timeless room. That timeless room with dust filled air. That timeless room where the clock hesitates before taking another step forward. I waited for an eternity, losing myself in my unconscious mind. He now loomed over the foot of my bed, standing in the middle of an open doorway from the corner of my eye, visible through a small division in the curtains that enclosed me like this mortal coil. Pictures of my family circling my bedside tables. He outstretched a long bony, fist before slow uncurling his narrow fingers; his face a familiar one. I sat up, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders; graciously accepting his proposal. We linked arms and slowly made our way through the open door together, facing the new unknowns ahead...
