Richard Faulkner, Jr. and Madeline "Dei" Mendez have been best friends since college, with a hint of something more in between. Theirs is a romance that never quite made it, and decided the friendship was too precious, and dedication to their craft...
"Jay, this setup we have......you know, when Tom and Raine, Paddy and Shaan......go off on their....babe time or whatever you call it.....they leave us then naiiwan tayo together....."
"Yeah, so?"
"Ok ba sayo 'to? It's not as if.......you know."
"No I don't......explain."
"If you don't get what I mean wag na lang. Forget it."
She started to stand up but he hugged her by the waist to keep her seated.
"Huyyyyyy........ito naman, I was just teasing you, come on."
"This...." She gestured to his hand around her waist. "What is this exactly, Jay? Feeling ko we're thrown together by default and baka napipilitan ka lang to......ugh. Gets mo ba? Ayoko 'to eh. Parang tayo for now until someone better comes along."
"Ano? Dei, I kissed you that first time we met. Sure, I was getting you out of a sticky situation, but I wouldn't do that you if I wasn't attracted."
"Ah ok. So you took advantage of my situation then."
"Huh? Ok I walked right into that........ maybe I did. I'm sorry."
"Attracted to me? Paano? I know how I look and it's not enough for someone like you to take notice."
"What are you talking about? I'm attracted to you, but it's more than just your exterior. This?" He said, lifting their entwined hands, "This is not something I do with just any girl. Only you."
"But why? Di kaya you're attracted because it's convenient? Andito na eh, ako lang walang partner tapos ikaw naman wala din, unless you like Shaan also."
"Ha? I don't like Shaan, and even if I did, I honor the bro code. Paddy is pursuing her."
"Di ko alam. I'm drawn to you for no particular reason. You're definitely pretty, but it would be an insult to say I'm drawn to you because of that."
"So.........what are we doing exactly? I'm not trying to pin you down into a relationship with me, ok? But can we please define what it is we have? Or do we have anything that needs labeling, to start with?"
"Why don't we start with how you feel for me? How do I know that I'm NOT a default boyfriend either?'
"You're not. But this.....touchy-feely, clingy stuff. Ano to? I need to know what I'm getting into. Can we be clear and agree where this will go?"
"Ganon ba gusto mo? You want everything programmed? Hindi ba pwedeng we see where this takes us? But if it will ease your mind, sige, you decide where you want to take this."
She thought for a while and looked at their still intertwined hands. His thumb caressed the back of her hand, making her get goosebumps.
"I want to get to know you better, Jay. Before I jump into anything deeper."
"In what context?"
"I don't know yet. One thing about me that you need to know, pessimistic ako. I'm jaded and skeptical. I intentionally lower my expectations to avoid getting hurt. Para pag dumating yung sakit hindi ako magugulat, handa na 'ko."
"I hope you share with me later on why you think that way. No boyfriend waiting for you in Manila?"
"Nope. And you? No girlfriend?"
"No girlfriend."
"Good. That's good to know."
It was cold but the fire was keeping them warm. Their hearts were beating fast. And without realizing it, they were both smiling.
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In the days that followed, Dei and Richard got to know each other better. Dei learned that Richard's family owned a chain of restaurants in Miami, where he worked for a few months but was so unhappy that his parents realized it was not for him. They finally agreed for him to pursue a degree in creative writing here at Northwestern University.
He was born in the Philippines but his family migrated to the US when he was thirteen. He had older siblings, a brother and a sister, both married with families in the Philippines. Like them, he wanted to go back to Manila after finishing his degree at Northwestern.
Richard liked that Dei was pursuing her degree through sheer grit and effort despite her parent's objections. Both parents did not like her to pursue college in the US because it was too far away from them. But she determinedly found a company that sponsored her education here at Northwestern, and is so far doing well in her academics.
He wanted to take their friendship to the next level. But he knew he had to tread carefully, because Dei was scared, he felt it. She seems to have trust issues, and he wanted to help her get over that, help her learn how to trust in herself and people, in general.
He wanted to make her feel special, without the gang tagging along. Just the two of them, without having to worry about time and other details that always get in the way of their being together on a personal level. No academics, no interruptions.
He decided he was going to ask her out on a formal date.
