Lost

Prologue

I just woke up. Every single day is a struggle for me to function. It's summertime. When everybody loves going to the beach, picnic, camping and pretending to have the grand and prime vacation of all time. Well, for me, summertime sucks.

"Samantha!!!" She opened the door like she doesn't know the word -- privacy.

"Hey young lady, you have ballet class at 8, get in the shower...now!"

"I don't want to attend class today, mother."

"Hey, you have to. We already paid for your ballet classes for the whole summer. Come on, get up and take a shower!" She pulled me up and pushed me straight to the bathroom's door.

The water is cold but I like it. It makes me ponder about my ballet career. I've been dancing since I was four. I dreamt of becoming of a prima ballerina when I was 10. I was 16 when I realized that ballet is part of my system. It is something that I need to do for my family and not for myself anymore. I'm 18 and I know now why summer sucks.

"I'll pick you up after class honey!" She kissed me on my forehead. I turned around quickly. She shouted, "Work on your turnouts, honey!" I feel embarrassed.

When mom is gone, I turn around and cross the street. There you'll find my favorite burger joint, Charlie's.

"Hey, Samantha! Looking good huh! Aren't you supposed to perfect your pirouette at the moment?" He mimics what ballerina does. Silly kid. I want to laugh but I don't want to lose my grimace so I just glanced at him. "Hey, Arvin, one double pounder with extra cheese and bacon." I know what I ordered. I'm making a sin. Junk and grease are against ballet rules. "I guess it is not a no-diet-day, Sammy." Yes, you are right, I'm tired of diets, and I'm tired of rules. I just want to have my own life. I want to make them stop controlling me.

"Can I do part time here? You know, summer, no money, I just need to save for something."

"I will ask Charlie, how much do you need? Maybe I could lend you. One double pounder with free bacon."

"Thanks. No, I want to work for it."

"Okay, how about this, since you don't want to attend your shitty classes, why don't you come over here and fry some patties while I rest. Charlie shouldn't know about this because I am the one to pay you." Charlie is old and he barely walks because he had a heart attack two years ago, but he still owns the joint. He lets his grandchild, Arvin, manage the joint. "How can he know, he doesn't go here."

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"So you mean, I will do your job while you are just there sitting and supervising.

"Again, is that a yes or a no?"

"Yes, and thank you." I smiled then paid for what I ordered.

"Where will you use the money?

"Soul-searching."

"Are you kidding? Soul-searching, huh? My dear friend, you don't have to search for your soul. It's inside you."

"Don't take it literally, of course, I want to go somewhere, maybe a beach or island. Have a break from this city."

He's is just laughing. Thinking that I am just joking about soul-searching. "See you tomorrow, Arvin."

"See ya, soul searcher!" I looked at him, slowly examining his built. Arvin is not that tall, his skin is fair, and by looking at his arms I could tell that he got some goodies under his shirt. But I hate his long hair tied in a ponytail, nonetheless, I could imagine him in an apron, shirtless and frying shirt. Sexy, I guess. But, Arvin is just a good friend.

I am waiting for my mom to pick me up. Phone rings.

"Samantha, honey, sorry there's an emergency meeting with a client, can you just book an Uber?"

I dropped the call and started walking.

I'm already used to it. She's always busy. She never does her promises, but she's my mom. However, sometimes I hate her because I always do what she wants. Nothing left for me.

As I reached home, I go straight in my bedroom then sleep for the rest of my day.

It is past 6 pm, mom just arrived from the "client meeting." I don't have plans getting up, but when I am about to, mom switched on the light. "How's ballet?"

"It's fine."

"Already have the casting?"

"I forgot to look at the bulletin."

"Don't forget tomorrow."

"Have you eaten?"

"Not hungry."

"Your dad will call tonight." Dad is far from home. I only see him through Facetime. I have never seen him in person or maybe I did but I don't have a memory of it.

Would life be easier without a memory? Or maybe, my life would be easier if they no one knows me. What if I'll vanish? Are there people who will be going look for me? Am I gonna be missed?

I lay down and breathe a sigh.

I want to get lost.