i wonder why my life is always like this ? School is the same, home is the same, " friends " is the same.. Why me ? Why not them, why not others ? Everything always happen for a reason. Well I don't see a reason for my life.. The only thing I know that I have great thing is Writing ! Nobody knows what I go through..The abuse,Bullyinq,emotions, I mean who cares ? People says, " You can choose to be happy or sad and whichever you choose that is what you get" or Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad. What if u can't be happy? What if your life was designed to be feel with sadness... Malcolm X says , " Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change." I'm positive that my condition is different from others... Don't get me wrong, I have some happiness in my life but in those happiness, there's always a sadden moment... I've been told by Pastors that my future is bright but I can't see it going bright. All I see is the darkness over it.... When I was little, I always wanted to be a lawyer, don't see that coming true...I write a lot of books. I mean that only my specialty.... A lot of people don't get that the little hurtful words they says kill me. Now think about the big words they says. Kenneth Hildebrand says, " Strong lives are motivated by dynamic purposes''. well I'm waiting for that dynamic purposes or that ONE person to understands. Everyone wants someone in their life to understand their problem or what their going through. I'm waiting for mine to come in my life.. Sometimes I wonder if God is sitting in his big chair watching everything that happens to me goes by. I have friends but we all know that theirs is nothing called friends. I believe that yourself is the only friend you could have, yeah ok there are going to be some sideline people there but there's no one u could trust in this life. There will always have back-stabbers. They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. I'm waiting for my joy ! I used to believe in guardian angels but now not so much. Guardian angels are suppose to guard u through life, watch over you. Where is my Guardian Angel ? Where did he/she go ? Did I have too much problems that he/she left ? Carl Sandburg says " Anger is the most impotent of passions. It effects nothing it goes about, and hurts the one who is possessed by it more than the one against whom it is directed. " ... What if I want that Anger gone or maybe the hurt,tears,sadden emotions gone and replace with smiles,laugh,happy emotions ? I just want that one person that would come into my life and turn it around to a joyful one ! I'm waiting but there's a limit for all these waiting ! Sometimes I think I have depression.. Funny right ? A 14 years old think she has depression but it true .. What other ways can you explain it ? People says she need to go to therapy ! I laugh cause they don't know how I'm feeling...If they knew, they would know my life is above any therapy or counseling. It worst ! B. Graham Dienert says " Many people pray as if God were a big aspirin pill; they come only when they hurt.'' That is so true, I mean I have prayed to God but you know like I said there's a limit to everything..
