Dear Harry (Harry Styles Fanfic)

Ch.17

“I’m sorry I never got to finish the journal,” I told Harry, “I was in the middle of writing you when there was a knock at the door. It was two men from your unit…” I ignored the tears pouring down my face, blocking my vision. “…They made your death notification.”

A few moments of silence ticked by, my tears mingling with the drops of rain that were already running down my face, the sadness never ending. I tried to tell Harry how sorry I was that I had waited a few days after his funeral to come visit him again, but words refused to leave my mouth.

Breathing became increasingly strenuous, and I was doing everything I could to resist my urge to stop breathing all together. The pain I had lived through these past few months was nothing compared to what I was feeling now. Then, at least, Harry was alive, somewhere, some place in the world. Now, the earth might as well be empty, containing no trace of the human race. Nothing mattered if the one person I cared about more than anything wasn’t here with me.

My eyes burned into the slab of stone, rereading the name dozens of times over and over, praying that it was a mistake, that it wasn’t my Harry who was under there. It was so bewildering to me, the boy I had grown up with, the beautiful specimen that was so alive and adventurous and creative and caring and smart and lovable- now he was just a figment of my imagination. It couldn’t be possible that he was gone, I simply wouldn’t believe it. Someone as strong as him could not die as young as he was.

I kept telling myself that it was all a joke, Harry was going to jump out of his hiding spot soon, laughing at the distressed look on my face, and tell me it was only a prank. Perhaps there were cameras hidden about, maybe I was on one of those shows where they prank someone and get it all on video. I began looking everywhere around me, trying to find the hidden cameras and crew, certainly they were here somewhere. I got on my feet to check behind a few of the trees and some of the bigger graves.

“You can come out now!” I yelled, tears still running down my face.

“You fooled me, Harry! Just please, come out of your hiding spot,” I slid back down on my knees, realizing it was no use. 

I couldn’t believe how much of a lunatic I was acting, I was completely hysterical. And yet, I still held onto the tiny shred of hope that Harry was still alive, and everything was going to be okay.

My face turned back to the grave, and I sat against it, curled up in a little ball, weeping my eyes out. The tears never ended, in fact they became bigger rivers, never seeming to come to an end. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, but the unbearable pain in the pit found no relief. I felt so broken, like half of me was gone. I wasn’t functioning correctly, and I didn’t think I ever would again.

Minutes passed by, and I finally managed to halt my tears just a bit. 

I looked at Harry’s grave, straining against the pit in my throat.

“I have been thinking lately,” I paused, trying to contain my whimpers and tears, “I have been thinking about what would my life be like if fate never brought us together. What if we never met, and fell in love? I wonder if I would have been happier.”