What If [Nygmobblepot]

Ch3: Oswald's

"Ed, please." He says with a smile.

If he insists. "Alright, Ed, why are you here? What do you want?"

"I need to talk about something." He explains. "And you're the only person I could talk to about it."

I laugh. Is he serious? "If I'm the only person you can come to, you must not know many people."

"I don't." He admits. "I don't really have friends either."

I simply look at him. "Should I act surprised?" I ask once he doesn't continue.

"Are we friends?" He asks then.

"What makes you think we are?" I ask frowning, I've met this man once before in my life and I wouldn't describe the encouter a very good one.

"Could we be?" He suggests.

God, I swear this is actually physically painful. I sigh. "Why?" It's not like I have 'friends' either exactly but it has also made my life a lot easier. Having some kind of an allie is fine but an awkward forensic scientist from the GCPD? What would I do with him?

"This was a mistake, I'm sorry." He says suddenly, sliding his glasses up his nose before turning away.

"Wait." I say as I close my eyes and sigh. He might be a nervous, jittery loser but it's kind of making me feel bad for him. "Come here." I say and lead him to one of the tables where we can talk in private. I sit down, waiting for him to take a seat on the other side but instead he sits down next to me, making me scoot further away.

"I think I might kill someone." He says suddenly, turning to look at me.

I stare in confusion. "You think you might kill someone? You haven't actually killed anyone?" He shakes his head. "Why are you telling me?" I ask, getting more baffled every passing second.

"Because you're- you have..." He seems to get confused as well.

"Ah. I see." I nod. "This is why you can't tell anyone else. You don't know anyone who wouldn't bust you."

"Well- yes." He admits.

"Why do you have to tell anyone?" I ask, considering I have my own problems to deal with. "What makes you think I care?"

"Because I need help." He says and I laugh.

"You want my help to kill someone?" I shake my head. "No. Get an assassin on it, it's Gotham, they're not hard to find."

"No, I mean-" He looks around as if to make sure no one is listening. No one here cares, honestly. "You need to tell me what to do."

I frown and shrug. "Put a bullet in him."

"I don't own a gun." He says, looking horrified that I even implied such thing. Who in Gotham doesn't own a gun?

"Look, hit him over the head with something, whatever, it's not that hard." I tell him. I can't believe I'm having this conversation.

"How am I supposed to hide it?" He asks then.

"Dump it somewhere." I reply.

He blinks in confusion. "What?"

I stare back at him. "The body? Dump it somewhere."

"No, I mean how am I supposed to hide the fact that.. That I've done something like that?" He asks me and I wonder if I should hit him over the head with something.

"Honestly, Ed, I'm starting to think maybe you shouldn't be doing that in the first place." I say with a smile. "Stick to what you know."

I gesture at him to slide out of the booth so I can do the same but he grabs my shoulder to stop me from leaving, as if I could when he's blocking my way out. "No, I-I have to." He tells me.

"Fine. Then deal with it." I shove his hand away. "Now, get off."

"D-Don't you want to know why I have to?" He asks, looking kinda desperate so I sigh and lean back.

"Enlighten me."

His brows furrow in worry and he lowers his voice. "He's a bad person. He-"

"Aren't they all." I say with a smile. "Look, if you're in some kind of trouble, do what you have to do." I shrug. "It's Gotham. And if this guy is as bad as you say, he must have other enemies, and.. Accidents happen." I wink at him but he doesn't seem to get the message. I roll my eyes, letting out a sigh. "Just eliminate him already if his existance bothers you so much." I tell him. "Will you move, now?"

"Oh, sorry." He stands up quickly and I follow. "The place looks great." He tells me as I walk past him.

"Do you want a drink, Ed?" I ask, figuring it could do him good.

"Oh, no, thank you. I should be on my way." He says and I turn to look at him, frowning but my lips curl up a bit in amusement.

"Alright. Have a nice evening."

"You too." He tells me and hesitates before walking off. I look after him in even deeper confusion than the first time we met.

It might take some time to figure that one out.

AN: Had to slide in that 'nervous, jittery loser' reference. Poor, Eddie. Thanks to everyone who's still reading, hope you're still enjoying! :)