Don't Love Me √

Will You Be There?

This one and a half month of acquaintance with him had taught Riha, love could step in abruptly and surround you tightly and curiously, and you may not do anything about that, sadly, not even talk about that in the fear of losing that forever. 

And the hurt from Vivaan had increased proportionately. Because Riha couldn't judge him, couldn't feel him at all. He would just be the cutest with her and then the rudest. The harshest. The weirdest. The things hardly hurt before but now they did. So much so that the Riha who used to meet Vivaan anywhere anytime despite his glare and indifference at times, now waited for him to call, which he hardly did. Till now. 

And that's how Riha didn't know if she held any place in his heart, or if he very carefully concealed everything just for the sake of it... 

" I know you have been calling. I have uninstalled whatsapp just to cut off. " , Vivaan spoke after a long time. 

" Your eyes are swollen. Seems you cried a lot and didn't sleep even. " , Riha uttered. 

Vivaan fell silent again for a while, and then replied. " I have been sleeping well with sedatives for a long time. But, phases ...you know... " 

Riha knew. Every depression and anxiety patient had phases.  

She mustered a lot of courage and spoke up. 

" being a doctor, today I break a promise I made sometimes back, just for the sake of it. Vivaan, you may share your feelings with me, please. Errr...I insist maybe." 

Vivaan looked at her. His eyes were sleeplessly swollen and tearfully red. Dark patches made them even more dull. After a long time he broke the ice. 

" I'm cursed Riha. I cannot love. " 

Someone banged Riha's heart. She almost felt like holding it altogether. 

" I killed my parents... Hadn't I been her son, my mom would have been alive... Hadn't my mom expired,  my father would be well and alive... Hadn't I held onto Father Francis, he wouldn't have been bit by snake at the age of 31 years only... ... Hadn't Sister Lucy came forward to hug me, her stepbrother wouldn't have beaten her to death...Hadn't I loved Jolly, the horse that stood in the missionary yard, the thunderstorm that night wouldn't have hit her... 

Hadn't I dared to love Suhaana, she wouldn't have chosen to end herself... Hadn't Devanshu been my bestest friend at college, he wouldn't have been hit by a bus... Hadn't I brought Dude home, he wouldn't have died of distemper soon...

I am cursed Riha... I have not dared to love anyone for the last eight years, I can never, throughout my life dare even. I...am...so lonely Riha!  I am sooo lonely..." 

Riha couldn't bear anymore. She had no idea that this soul of only twenty eight years was haunted by so many deaths. So many!!!

Vivaan slowly sat on his knees, he was sobbing so much that he got hiccups. Riha didn't know what to do, whether to wipe her own downrolling tears, or say something to pacify him. He continued, " last Monday was Devanshu's 28th birthday. I... I can never, never ...fo...forgive myself Riha...n..never! " 

Riha was sobbing too. Vivaan cupped his face in his hands. He was literally wailing. 

Riha slowly moved close to him, for the first time, hugged him tight, took his head in her lap, and uttered continuously, " relax Vivaan, relax! Relax, relax, relax..." 

Vivaan unstrugglingly gave in, while Riha's tears flowed constantly down her eyes to Vivaan's head, as if creating an unknown connection between them...

' If his tears flow through your eyes, know, you can go to any extent to heal him, forever!'

In Our Darkest Hour

In My Deepest Despair

Will You Still Care?

Will You Be There?

In My Trials

And My Tribulations

Through Our Doubts

And Frustrations

In My Violence

In My Turbulence

Through My Fear

And My Confessions

In My Anguish And My Pain

Through My Joy And My Sorrow

In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow

I'll Never Let You Part

For You're Always In My Heart.

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Feedback awaited. 

Song credit : Michael Jackson's 'Will you be there'