Breaking Skin

Chapter 1

Ok so once again, read this with extreme caution. This chapter talks about Beating, bullying, self harm, severe anorexia, and severe depression. And remember guys, if you think you're about to do something bad, call the crisis line at 1-800-237-TALK (8255) or for Spanish call it at 1-888-628-9454 or text to 741-741. Please read with caution guys.

"Johannes Michael Gustaf Eckerström!! Get your lazy ass out of bed!!" Johannes awoke to his mom yelling at him. Well, she thought she woke him up. In reality, he had stayed up all night. It was rare he got any sleep at all nowadays, and when he did it was plagued with horrid nightmares. He spent all his nights lying awake and staring up at the ceiling, thoughts of worthlessness and extreme self-hatred haunting his mind.

He didn't even feel tiredness anymore, in fact, he felt almost nothing anymore. All that was left was an empty numb feeling, and when that wasn't there, it was some form of pain, wether it be mental from the constant hatred of himself or physical from the routine beatings from the bullies, or it was the constant fear of being judged or watched from every angle, that everyone was watching him and scrutinizing every little thing about him. Johannes wasn't even sure which was worse anymore. All made his life a complete hell.

He finally forced himself to sit up and grab the outfit he had picked out the night before and set beside the bed. Once he knew his mom couldn't see or walk in at any moment, he bolted into the bathroom.

He pulled off his pajama pants and shirt, then spent a few seconds staring down at the floor before looking up at his reflection. In the mirror, a paper white and extremely emaciated figure stared back at him, its skin littered with red and pink lines all over, some old and some new, every outline of every bone clearly visible through the skin.

Too ugly, too fat, too worthless, all I am is a stain upon society......he thought to himself, then took out many upon many ace bandages, and began to wrap them around himself. Around his thighs, arms, especially all around his torso, then put on a compression shirt and the skinny jeans to keep the bandages in place, then came the distressed and bleach stained Rammstein shirt to go on over the tight one. He looked in the mirror again. Why do I bother doing this.....they will call me out for anything anyway....., his thoughts were interrupted by his mom calling him downstairs. He sighed and reluctantly put his hoodie on and trudged downstairs, grabbing his backpack and shuffling his feet walking down to the kitchen.

"Remember your breakfast this time," his mom warned, then shoved a bagel in his face. Johannes fought back the urge to shove it back and instead forced himself to take a bite in front of her, then walked out the door. Instantly, he spit out the bite he took and threw the bagel out in the road. He couldn't focus on eating, he had to focus on making himself seem as normal as he could, or else he may draw attention. The bullies were relentless, and would attack him for any little imperfection in him they saw. If they saw him with the food, they'd call him fat for sure. Add that to the list of things I am hated for, he thought.

On the walk to school, he became incredibly uneasy. It was quiet. Too quiet......the bullies are usually on top of him by now, where were they now? They never miss an opportunity to beat him up, they know he will never be able to fight back. He couldn't let his guard down, no not at all. The second he did, they'd jump out and attack him. Just like they always do.

He turned the corner, and as he expected, the same jock who leads the group comes up behind him and punches him hard in the back, making him fall. Johannes doesn't even fight, he just lays there and allows himself to be beaten and thrown around like a doll. What was the point, anyway? They never stop, and they never will.

"What's the matter, vamp? Too low on blood to fight me?" The kid laughs and puts him in a choke hold. Johannes fights just barely, and the kid tightens his grip around him, then rips his hoodie off, exposing his skin to the sun and instantly burning him again, making Johannes scream out of reflex. It was the only pain that would make him really react, and the bully knew it all too well, and help him in place while the sun quickly singes him.

His skin was almost boiling until the bully dropped him. Johannes took the chance and crawled away a little ways out of the sun. He instantly began hating himself for it. You idiot!! You deserve to die, why must you chicken out every time?! You had the perfect chance!! He bullied himself in his mind. Johannes looked up, then instantly froze in terror.

Someone else was there.

They seemed to be fighting the bully, but Johannes wouldn't take the chance. It could be a fake fight, and the instant he dropped his guard the person would turn and attack him, but they never did. They fought the bully until he ran off. Johannes leaned just slightly closer, but instantly cowered in fear when the person looked at him. The kid had some bright blue eyes, with a septum and lip ring and had what looked like the start of dreadlocks for hair.

"Are you ok?? You look pretty badly beaten," the kid took a step closer, and Johannes shrunk away into a corner, cowering in pure fear. The kid didn't get the message and walked right up and sat in front of him.

"N-no go away d-don't hurt me!" Johannes pitifully whimpered out of habit and covered his face, expecting another beating, but not even a punch was delivered.

"It's ok I won't...,"

Johannes looked up, then slowly stood. The kid was several inches shorter, but he had a look of.....not wanting to beat the living shit out of Johannes like the other kid did on his face.

"My name is Jonas....and you?" The kid smiles and held out his hand, to which Johannes instantly backed away, expecting a hit. Jonas looked at him concerned, then realized and drew his hand back. "Sorry, my mistake....but can you at least tell me your name?" Jonas asked with a tone opposite of the bully's tone, which just made Johannes more anxious. Why act this non-aggressive if he was just going to beat him? Why not just get it over with? What is this Jonas's motive?

When will Jonas just drop the act and beat him already? Like everyone else does, just beat him and put him down in every way possible, and making Johannes waste away physically and mentally more and more.....