Unrequited Love

" Y "

But then HE have to ruin it. But this, it's different. HOW ?? Because he doesn't even know, notice me. NOTHING. I just see him in the hallways. Actually I always see him in the hallways or outside before ( since I moved ) but I don't like him yet back then and I don't know his name yet.

Then 1 time, I was sitting in the cafeteria. And he was sitting, like four seats away from me. And then my friend went up to him and hugged him. So I looked up at him, and then when I looked at him, he looked back at me, that was just like 3 seconds or something before I look away. I felt something on my chest. I suddenly felt nervous, and then right when he left the cafeteria, I don't know where it came out but I suddenly said " He's Cute " .. and then My friend told me his name..

After that day, I realize I like him. I do. I always past in front of him, because I was hoping that he would notice me. Pathetic I know. I know that there is no chance in hell that he would notice me but I'm still hoping.

Days passed I've grown to like him so much. And then I realized I LOVE HIM. but before I knew it, Ive grown to love him so much. And I know there's no room for me in his heart. Why would there be?

My LOVE for him is different than before? HOW ( again ? ) Because what I feel for " Y " is much stronger than what I felt for them before. Stronger than what I felt for my supposively Love At First Sight .. I was 13 when that happen. They were all nothing but a puppy love. Compare to what I feel   " Y " right now. This time it's REAL . Not a puppy love or infatuation or how ever you call that.

I'M INLOVE WITH HIM. Though I know he will NOT love me back, or even give me a second glance.

I still remember the time I found his facebook. I was contemplating if I should add him or not. I was actually being paranoid with the WHAT IF's .. What If he doesn't accept me as friend on fb. What If I add him and he message me saying " who t'f are you? " .. What If he cancel my request and all that crap. And then I summon up the courage to add him and log off of facebook. After an hour of fidgeting and thinking, I log back in. And then I cancel my request and went to sleep. After like 2 hours of sleep I log back in, and then I saw I got 1 friend request. My eyes are wide when I saw who it was. IT WAS HIM !!!!!!!! Of course no second thought I accepted him on facebook. I was jumping off the chair, smiling like cheshire cat. I was like a girl in christmas. I was sooooo HAPPY.

He even likes my post, I was so happy. I feel like I was the happiest girl in the world. And then MOnday came, I was so nervous and I feel shy at the same time, I always go to the cafeteria every morning and then, there I saw him. Right when I look at him, he looked back at me and I have to look away feeling my cheeks heat. This happens like 4 times a week .. ="> or sometimes everyday..

It's always like that every morning, Sometimes I thought I saw him looking at me. And I always choose a nice outfit everyday for him. ( i actually feel like an obssess lil girl ) .. And then If I don't see him I always say "Damn Outfit Wasted" .. And then Spirit week was last week. I was wearing Stripe white and blue top, the sleeve where cut off in the elbow and then I was wearing a skirt. And then when I went to the cafeteria I didn't see him. I was disappointed actually. And then lunch came I was just sitting looking like I owed someone a $1000. I kept looking at the door hoping he would skip and go to my lunch.

And then. THERE.. I SAW HIM !!! he was looking hot as usually, I almost shriek when I saw him. And then after lunch, people are going out of the cafeteria when I stood up and fixing my skirt, I saw him. He was looking at me, but I quickly look away and started walking, but went straight to the bathroom. I stayed for a couple of minutes, I just sat there . thinking....

When I got out of the bathroom, I saw him talking to someone, but his eyes were focus on me. I felt a bit conscious, what if I look uglier than i'm already am? ... I sighed and walked fast as I could. Those time I see him looked at me, Those are one of the best day of my life. You guys have know idea how happy I am...

Just seeing him looking at me, made my entire day. But knowing that him and I will never ever have the chance to be together. He's out of my league. He is so near and yet out of my reach.. I love him, but he doesn't love me. Shit, he doesn't even know me, my name, he doesn't even notice me. I was hoping that one day he would talk to me, notice me or even just smile AT ME. Though I know that will NOT happen. I know that there's no chance, though I'm secretly hoping. I love him, I do, I truly do... This is not some kind of puppy love, I just know it. and it hurts knowing that I will never have a place in his heart, WHY WOULD THERE BE??

But despite those hurtings I feel, just seeing him makes me happy and feel contented. I know its just been a month since I realized that I love him, but I don't care. And he'll always have a place in my heart. It's the first time I feel this for someone. And that what made him more special for me.. I love him and I will always love him... I don't care if he don't love me back. It doesn't matter.