Under the Elms

Where were you?

'I should have known. Looking back, you said something about Mayte during our fight that night that I didn't pay attention to at the time, because I was pissed. It haunted me for years, though. It sounds like Mayte was behind this whole mess; in fact I know she was.' Prince snapped his fingers as he remembered. 'I asked her to leave you a voicemail with the new codes; I was in the middle of recording, you know how I was back then. She was always wanting to be helpful, and that gave me a reason to send her away on an errand. Obviously she didn't do what I asked. She must have erased the messages you left on my machine.

'I remember that Saturday very well. I was frustrated because you hadn't shown up yet. What you saw wasn't the whole story. The part you didn't stay long enough to see was me pushing her away, and letting her know the stage business we had done on Sunday was just that, stage business, and it wouldn't be happening again. That little piece of stage business I was so proud of at the time ruined both our lives. Mayte's, too, come to think of it. She really thought I was falling for her, so she did what she needed to do to make sure that happened.'

'Oh no,' Sofia whispered, despondent. 'I shouldn't have given up so easily. I should have fought for us.'

Prince squeezed Sofia's hand, causing her to look up and drown once again in his beautiful eyes. 'I shouldn't have given up on you. This is not on you, it's on me. I promised you I'd wait until Memorial Day. I didn't make it to March. If I hadn't been such a jerk back then I'd have called you to find out what was up with you, but my ego got in the way.

'By Memorial Day, I was seriously dating Mayte. Within six months of that, I was working hard to convince myself that she was my soulmate, not you. I used all sorts of crazy stuff-similar family names, past lives, nonsense like that. But I was lying to myself. If someone had shaken me awake in the middle of the night and asked who my soulmate was, I'd have said your name every time. I was ready to call it quits with her after a few months of marriage-but she got pregnant. The possibility of a child, of getting a chance to be a father, outweighed everything else. That ended so sadly; coming to grips with the challenges little Amiir had, realizing we couldn't fix them, then losing him. I felt sorry for her. Feeling sorry for someone isn't the same as loving them with your whole heart. I buried myself in work, touring to save my career and keep distance between us. I thought distance would help her; it seemed like what she wanted. In my grief, I couldn't see hers clearly. I really wasn't fair to her. Part of me wondered how it would have been if you had been his mother, but that was just crazy grief, I'm sure.'

'I didn't know you even thought about me,' Sofia murmured, stunned. She was having a very hard time reconciling what Prince was telling her with what she had been telling herself all these years. The little flame of hope that she had nurtured in spite of years with no communication was starting to flicker more strongly.

Prince tucked a tendril of curly hair behind Sofia's ear, and twirled the length around his finger, brushing against her neck as he followed it down to her collar bone. 'If I'd had any sense, I'd have gone looking for you after my first marriage ended. I was trying to reconcile how much pain I was in, and how much pain I had caused. I was starting to wonder if God was punishing me for my past choices, and that included hurting you. Larry and Manuela were constantly around, Larry giving biblical guidance and Manuela giving support and encouragement. Manuela's hair reminded me of you. The sweet spirit she affected when we were getting to know one another reminded me of yours. As it turned out, it was a false front for a woman obsessed with chasing fame. I married her before the false front dissolved. But, just like Mayte, I didn't love her with my whole heart, either.'

'Prince, you're starting to freak me out,' Sofia said, a little more strongly. She looked down at their entwined hands. This extended confession was more intense than she had anticipated. Prince didn't seem ready to stop talking. If anything, purging himself of his marital history seemed to be something he felt compelled to do.