I've been with my best friend (im going to call her tama for know) for at least a year now. We are both practically twins! We would do anything for each other, but for some reason after texting one day, things changed for me.. the conversation went like this:
Tama- *sends me a picture or her with a girl about her age*
Me- Oh sweet! Who is that?
Tama- It's my girlfriend! She is awesome and I love her so much! ^-^
Now, I had no problem with this. I was happy for her! At least I thought I was.. Tama always called her girlfriend senpai and bringing her up in random conversations. I can see that Tama and her were really great for each other. But.. for some reason, I got sad when ever I Tama would talk about her senpai. I have no idea why.. and I still don't but its getting worse.
At me and Tamas first sleepover she and I had to sleep in my room. We were up until five in the morning browsing dank memes (DON'T JUDGE) for the whole time. If there's one thing I know about us, is that we love to role play and cosplay and shit like that. I don't remember what characters we were playing as, but they were really close and we shipped them a lot. For half of the time playing as those characters we randomly started cuddling. There wasn't anything wrong with this.
At some random point when was this was happening, I just felt really happy, I'm not sure why though. It was just role play. There was no ACTUAL love in this situation right?? I was so confused thinking about this for about a week. When for some reason she and I couldn't hang out as much, I started getting more lonely not being able to see her in person. Whenever we can't hang out in person, me and her are texting each other ALL the time.
Anyway.. she still kept bringing up her senpai. It was really getting to me and putting a pain in my chest whenever I thought about them together. I even sometimes cry just thinking about it. You all probably think I have a crush on her, well I MAY! But I may not. This is all so confusing..
I just have never met such an amazing girl like her before.. shes smart, beautiful, funny and caring and she doesn't even know it! What really makes me upset though, is that she lives far away from me and isn't even in the same school as me. I barley ever get to see her, and it's very frustrating..
I'm writing this for a reason, it's because I need answers.. from all of you guys. What do you think is going on? Can you relate to any of this? Do you have any advice? Please comment if you have anything to say, thank you..
