Carry On

Thank you

Thank you for the heartbreak. Thank you for making everyday hell for me. Thanks for putting me through so much I forgot who I was. For showing me I didn't respect myself, and for everything you did to me. Thank you for pushing me farther than I was comfortable with, for pushing me off a cliff. Because you did that you showed me I can pull myself back up. Because you did that i'm figuring out who I am. 

So thank you for the pain. For showing me if I don't set boundaries they surely won't set themselves. Thanks for showing me what a real friend is, and that you were the farthest thing from it. 

I don't regret you. I don't regret falling for you or even how hard I fell. If I didn't I wouldn't have realized who you are, and I would still be so blind. 

I learned a lot from you, how to heal, that I should stop giving my heart to people who don't deserve it, and many other things, but mostly the fact that I built walls around myself for a reason, and no one can knock them down. 

I'm sorry that I hurt you, but you hurt me more. It's because I let you in, because I showed you myself, and that I feel exposed. You know so much about me, and you could use it. It's because I overthink everything, because I wish I could stop thinking about you but I can't. I wish I could stop replaying every moment, but I can't. 

I will never forget when I said goodbye to you before this. When you hugged me so tightly as if you saw it coming, when you looked at me straight in the eyes with pure happiness. But I wasn't happy. I didn't hug you back. And when I looked in your eyes all I could think was how could you do this to me.