Tempted (Kotor Novelization)

Prologue

"You work in maintenance, don't you?" Carth asked me.

"Yes, I'm actually the maintenance officer," I explained.

"You look pretty tired, Officer..." He drawled as if trying to remember my name.

"Alexia Degana and yes, I've been working longer hours since that last fight with those Sith fighters," I replied honestly. I only recently became the Maintenance Officer, but I've always been put with the engineers because of my natural knack for droids and machinery in general.

"You'll need rest for when we get to Taris, Officer Degana; dismissed."

"Whatever you say, Commander," I said with a slight salute as I walked away. I turned my head to see Bastila's eyes widen in terror and the entire group rush to the bridge. What the hell was going on? I shook my head and decided not to think about that right now. I needed to go back to my dorm and sleep. I walked to the dormitory and opened the door to my room to find that my friend and bunk mate Trask Ulgo had already gone for his shift. When I got transferred onto the Endar Spire, I was already friends with Trask, and he was totally cool with me taking the other bunk. We worked opposite shifts, so it wasn't like we slept at the same time or saw much of each other. I tiredly kicked off my boots, threw off my clothes and plopped into bed without bothering to put on the clothes I usually sleep in. I didn't normally sleep in my underwear, but I was so tired that I simply didn't care. The moment I fell onto the bed, I passed right out.

I walk slowly down the familiar-looking hallway, taking my time so I can put this off just a little longer. I'm afraid to tell her the thing that I'm about to do. Will she understand? Can she forgive me? Knowing my little sister, she probably won't. We may not be blood related, but she is more like me than anyone else I know, so she may as well be my sister. I am suddenly at the door to her room and I take a deep breath. I can't put this off any longer. With my chin up and shoulders square, I open her door. She never locks it. The door opens, and I see her reading a datapad but not look up. I guess she did not see me. I lean against the door frame and watch her for a moment. Her brown hair is pulled into a neat braid down her back though there are a few hairs that are out of place, and her grey eyes are focused on the text. I wonder what she's reading for a moment but quickly decide that I have to tell her before I change my mind and run like a coward. I clear my throat and she jumps up startled.

"Hi Bastila," I say with a small, sad smile. "I didn't mean to scare you." Bastila returns it with a weak smile of her own but doesn't say anything for a few moments. She looks distracted and far away... like she's thinking hard about something. Does she already know? I bite my lip nervously.

"Oh, it's okay. I was just reading," she says. "What are you doing here?" I sit down on the bed beside her and look at her in the eye so that she knows that I'm being serious.

"Bas, I need to talk to you about something... something very serious," I say. Bastila looks down and concentrates on picking off non-existent lint from her blanket.

"I... I thought so," she stammers. "I need to ask you something very important."

"Of course, anything," I reply. My heart leaps into my throat. I already know what she's going to ask.

"I've been hearing things from the others, even Malak and Damian. Are they true? Are... are you seriously going to fight the Mandalorians on the Outer Rim?" I take another deep breath, but I don't look away.

"Yes, it's true. That's what I came here to tell you. I wanted to say goodbye because I'm leaving tonight," I reply though I'm not sure how I managed to say that so calmly. I guess it's because I truly believe in my cause. Bastila put her text down and slung the bag that was beside her over her shoulder. "I may not agree with disobeying the Council but I'm coming too," she says stubbornly. I shake my head.

"No," I say as calmly as I can. "you're not." She can't come; she's not even a Padawan yet for crying out loud! She's my little sister, not in blood and body but in mind and spirit, and I'll never be able forgive myself if anything happens to her. Bastila suddenly looks like I had just slapped her in the face.

"Why not?" she asks sadly.

"You're too young, Bas. War is no place for a fifteen-year-old teenager who hasn't even entered Padawanhood yet. Especially one as gifted as you."

"You and Damian are only twenty-one, only Jedi Knights for, like, a few months and Malak's nineteen, barely an adult and still a Padawan. What difference does my age or rank make?" Bastila retorts. Well, what she is saying is true and I know I'm going against everything I told her by telling her to stay but I'm not dragging her into this.

"The point stills stands. Bastila, I've made my choice, but you still have a chance. Why throw your life away when you can become the great Jedi I know you will be?"

"That's exactly what Damian said to Mical," Bastila mutters bitterly under her breath.

"See? Even my brother agrees!" Of course, he does. He is far wiser than I. Always has been.

"But-"

"No buts," I interrupt her. "You're not coming and that's final!" I finally snap at her. I feel guilty for acting like I'm her mother, but this is for her own good. I know it is. No one talks for a few moments but Bastila and I enter an intense staring match. After a few minutes, she looks away from me angrily.

"Fine," she whispers. "I'll stay, and you can... you can go and die. See if I care." Those words tear out my heart and it takes all my strength not to cry. I stand up and leave Bastila's room without a single word or looking back.

I was abruptly awakened by a loud explosion and the sound of the emergency sirens. The room shook violently and held on to the sides of the bed to ensure that I would not be thrown off. The Endar Spire was under attack.