Winter's Redemption [winter soldier//Bucky Barnes AU]

Chapter Five

BUCKY'S POV

"What did you tell her about me?" Steve asked, nervously combing his hair.

"Only the good stuff." I replied, grinning widely. I looked ahead and spotted the girls we were meeting, their hands waving wildly when they saw us.

"Hey ladies, you look beautiful as always." I remarked, flashing a flirty grin and a wink. I wasn't a stranger to a woman's company and I knew just what to do to make sure they truly enjoyed themselves  I was going to war tomorrow, but that doesn't mean I couldn't have one last night of fun.

"Bucky! I can't believe this is the last time we'll see you!" Ashley exclaimed, pouting and pretending to cry while Susan rolled her eyes.

"Ash grow up. He's gonna go win the war real fast and knockout Hitler a few times and then we can have more fun!" Susan exclaimed. I think she actually believed I was going to win it single handedly, but that sure as hell wasn't going to happen. I laughed loudly anyway and turned to laugh with Steve, but found him missing. I frowned deeply as I scanned the crowd for his tiny frame, coming up empty.

"Ladies I'm going to go find Steve. I'll be right back, alright? Don't have too much fun without me!" Ashley pouted again, and Susan waved. I waved back and turned around, pushing through the crowd in confusion until I spotted an enlistment stand. I knew exactly where he'd gone.

I ran over to where the stand was and found little Steve, once again trying to get into the army.

"You're really going to try this again? Where are you going to be from this time? Ohio? Boston?" I asked, and he sighed, looking sad. It was harsh, but I couldn't let him go to jail just because he wanted to fight for his country. I also didn't want him to fight- I couldn't loose him.

"Bucky, there are men laying down their lives out there. I've got no right to do any less than them. That's what you don't understand." He said, looking absolutely determined to fight, even when he had no chance of winning or coming out alive. He was much braver than me.

I tried to think about it from his perspective. Not only was it demeaning, but I'm sure that it felt almost emasculating to stay behind while all the big, strong men go fight in the war. Steve knew what it was like to feel inferior. I could imagine he didn't want to feel that way anymore, and suddenly I felt guilty for holding him back all this time. I'm sure it didn't make him feel any better.

I sighed. "Look, don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, ok?" I told him, giving him a look that told him I was serious. He nodded quickly, his eyes lighting up when he realized what I meant, and smiled.

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you."

~ ~ ~ ~

I sat up straight.

I remembered something.

That night we were at an Expo, and I set us up on double dates. It was the night before I was shipped to the army base to start training, and It was supposed to be a great night, but it was also the night Steve got into the army and was accepted for the Super Soldier program.

I remembered that.

I have a memory. A memory to call my own.

I rubbed my face with my real hand and stood up, walking out of the bedroom door to go to the kitchen. I heard shifting and realized that Sarah was on the floor with blankets, her stitched arm on a pillow, and memories flooded back to me. I remembered that as it got dark, I suggested she sleep upstairs, so she'd be more protected. I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized that I'd remembered two things already today. The corners of my mouth raised in a smile at the thought, but it felt foreign, and I brought my hand up to my mouth to see what it felt like. When I walked by the fridge, I looked at my reflection while I smiled. I looked like the man I saw on the poster. And I didn't mind what I saw, for the first time in a while.

I grabbed an old glass from the cabinet and turned on the faucet, filling the glass and taking a sip of the room temperature water. I drank all of it, leaving the glass on the counter once I'd finished, and went back to the bed upstairs. I stepped around Sarah and gazed quickly at her face as I walked by. She looked completely at peace, and she should- she gets to wake up and know her name and her past everyday. It's a luxury that few appreciate.

I pulled my gaze from her face and climbed back into the tiny bed, throwing the thin, dirty blanket over me and shifting my position until I was comfortable.

I fell asleep a few minutes later, a faint smile on my lips.