What we used to be

Chapter 3

Michael wakes up at 9am to Kara shouting, "Kids! Get up! We got shopping to do!" Michael sighs and gets up and dressed. He showered last night so he figured he can just shower later. He goes downstairs to see everyone but Meg eating pancakes.
"Where's Meg?" He asks getting a plate and pouring maple syrup on his pancakes.
"Here." Michael turns around to see a tired looking Meg stagger through the door whilst yawning. He smiles and rolls his eyes while Ryan laughs.
"Christ Meg, its not that early!" Ryan says and she just glares at him.

When everyone's done eating Kara gets everyone's attention.
"Right kids, we're going shopping today. First we're getting Michaels glasses, then everyone that wants a haircut is getting a hair cut. Then we're going shopping for Miles shoes and 'other things' and whatever anyone else wants. Then, I don't know, we can watch a movie or something." Kara says, reading off the list from the other day and telling the kids the agenda. There's a murmur of  'alright', 'whatever' and 'okay' from the kids and Kara rolls her eyes.
"And we're leaving in 15 minutes." She adds and everyone stands up from the table and runs to their rooms. Michael, who is already ready, cleans up the plates and helps Kara get the little kids ready. After 15 minutes Kara stands at the front door, opens it and yells "TIMES UP! HUSTLE HUSTLE HUSTLE!" All of the kids run down the stairs and into the front garden and Michael grabs Ray and Ashley, who were sat in the front room.
"Right, older kids, you get in Ryan's car, little kids, get in Joel's car!" Kara yells and Barbara sighs.
"Barb you can go with Ryan." Kara says before turning to Ryan.
"Meet us there." She says and they all climb into the car. The drive is 25 minutes long and the entire time the kids in Ryan's car are blasting music loudly and chatting. When they get to the mall they wait outside for Kara and Joel. After a few minutes they see them walk up to them, Joel holing Ray and Dans hands, Kara pushing Ashley in a buggy.
"Alright team, lets go!" Kara says and they walk into the mall.

They always get quite a few stares whenever they go out as a family, which is understandable as there are now 11 members of their family and none of them look alike, but Michael thinks people need to mind their own fucking business. They sort out Michaels eyes and get new glasses and then Lindsay, Meg, Barb, Miles and Michael get haircuts. Michael doesn't like short hair, so he gets a trim, now instead of coming half way down his neck, his hair just about covers his ears, and when he puts his beanie back on you can just about see his hair poke out from the bottom of it.

They walk into the main part of the mall, Michael and Meg holding Rays hands and swinging him every once in awhile. They shop for clothes and Michael asks for new headphones as his don't work. He chose the best headphones he could find that fit his specification. They need to be good quality, and they need to be big enough so that when he's wearing them people don't want to bother him. When they're leaving the shop Michael sees a few people from his school in his year, and he tries to hide behind Miles slightly, but they're a big family and they draw a lot of attention. Michael just takes a deep breath and prays they don't see him, and thanks god when they walk past not noticing him. Kara decides they should go to the park for a while before going home.

Kara sits on the grass with all the stuff whilst all the kids, including all the older ones, play on the playground and push each other on the swings. Joel takes the little kids to get ice cream and comes back a few minutes later, giving everyone an ice cream cone. Michael and Lindsay sit side by side on a few swings at the back of the park, facing away from the playground and out onto a lake on the other side of the small fence, eating their ice cream.
"What you thinking bout?" Lindsay asks and Michael sighs.
"Gavin." He says, "But I don't know why." He adds sighing and resting his head against the chain.
"I do. You used to spend every day together, then he left you and you didn't speak to him for 4 years. Now he's back in your life you realise you miss him, no matter how much you wish you didn't. He played a big part in your life, you can't just forget someone like that." She says smiling softly and Michael frowns.
"So, I miss Gavin? But I hate him, how can I miss him?" He asks and Lindsay rolls her eyes.
"Because you don't hate him. You want to. I know you want to, and you think you do. You truly believe you hate him for what he did to you, and you should, don't get me wrong he's an absolute asshole, but you don't. You can't bring yourself to hate him, because you love him too much. As much as you want to hate him, you would hate yourself if you ever hurt him the way he hurt you. You say you hate him because you're scared that if you get close to him he'll leave you again." She says and Michael looks at her.
"How do you know so much about it?" He asks and she shakes her head.
"I don't, but I know you, Michael. You're my brother and I know you just as much as I know Meg or Miles or Ryan or the others. You want to hate him, because you could never do to him what he did to you, and that's killing you because you thought you meant more to him than that, but you hide it in hate. You pretend you hate him when really the second you saw him cry you'd pull him into a hug until he felt better. I see it Michael, the second he looks anything other than happy, you change. Not your behaviour, no, that stays the same. But your eyes get softer and you look concerned for him. Its like when one of us gets hurt. Like earlier when Miles walked into that lamppost, we all laughed because it was funny as fuck, but we were all concerned for him." She says and Michael sighs.
"I used to love Gavin." He says quietly and Lindsay sighs, but not in a annoyed way, in an understanding way.
"I know. I've heard the story a million times." She smiles softly.
"I was so heartbroken when he told me to leave, especially after what he did the day before." He sighs and Lindsay grabs his hand.
"I know, brother, it sucks. You sure you don't still love him now?" She says and Michael thinks for a second.
"I love the old him. The new him is an asshole. I do hate the new him. But you're right. I hate him so that I don't get close to him again. I built up my barriers. And I don't want him to break them down, I've already told him too much." He sighs and Lindsay smiles softly.
"I know Michael. And I know its hard, especially since Joel has planned to meet up with him and his family, but just stay with me and the guys, yeah? Stay away from him." She says and Michael nods.
"Yeah, I will." He says getting up and walking over to Kara.
"Hey, Kara?" He asks sitting down next to her.
"Yeah sweetie?" She asks and he sighs.
"Can I get another tattoo?" He asks and she thinks for a moment.
"I guess so." She says smiling.
"Really?!" He asks and she nods.
"If you know for sure what you want, then sure."

"I already know what I'd get, I've wanted the same tattoo since I got the one on my arm." He says and she smiles.
"I'll take you to get it done tomorrow morning if you don't tell the others and you do your homework when we get home." She says and Michael grins.
"Thank you, Kara." He says and she smiles.
"So what you wanna get?" She asks and he smiles.
"I've always wanted a Gears of war tattoo, basically a skull inside a gear with a sort of blood spatter type thing behind it." He says and she nods.
"Sounds good, where do you want it?" She asks and Michael looks down at his sleeve covered arms.
"I'm thinking my right forearm, since I can cover it easily and it will cover the few scars I have on that arm." He says rolling up his sleeve. He doesn't have a problem with talking about his cuts, considering everyone knows anyway, and he only has a few cuts on his right arm since he's right handed. She smiles.
"I think that's a great idea. Now, can you round up the others and meet me back here in 5 minutes?" She asks and Michael nods before running off to find the others. He finds Joel playing with Ray, Dan and Ashley and shouts.
"Kara wants the kids rounded up!" Joel laughs and puts Dan on his shoulders and holds Ashley in his arms while Michael carries Ray in a piggyback, they then run off in different directions trying to find the rest of them. Michael finds Miles and Barbara arm wrestling while Meg cheers and Ryan watches and when they get back to Kara Lindsay is there helping her pack up. They all get back to the cars and pile in before going home.

They get in and put their stuff away before cooking dinner, Michael goes to sleep soon after he's finished with dinner and his homework as the tattoo parlor opens at 9am and Kara said they have to go early. 

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