this is what I need to tell you

this is about the times that I remember

When I was seven my grandpa died and my grandpa was the one that kept me going. When he died it felt like I fell into the Tartarus. (If you don't know what it is just ask) my mom didn't seem to ever noticed that I was hurting. I started to do things wrong. My parents would scream at me to do it right the first time. One day I went up to my mom and told her that I missed grandpa. She laughed and said "oh look are little daughter missing grandpa" she hugged me but it didn't seem meaningful. After that I thought "my mom doesn't care about me." Every time I did something wrong I cried in my pillow.💔 I wrote on my bed I hate my life. I just stoped caring I went numb when ever I saw my mom my feelings disappeared. In fifth grade one of my teachers said to me "don't forget to think about yourself too alright". I felt like (right nice thought) at the time but I thought about it and I thought "that is something I said before am proven right" 😶 after that I start to get feeling when I saw my mom I would be scared or sad. Soon I started getting over whelmed I would scream in my pillow I want to go numb again, but when you start the path of feeling you can't stop. My mom started babysitting at that time so I would role-play with the kids and see if they would give me idea's only one of them did and most of them got lost in the world of craziness. One day my brother walked in I decided (you know what he annoys me so ill annoy him) I walk a step close to him and he hits me in the belly "aaaahhhhhh" I cried. Gabriel my friend went up to my mom (which am still thanking her for) and told my mom on my brother. I was still crying downstairs but the words my mom said hit me like a thousand curses "Don't try to get Zachery (my brother) in trouble". I was crying, my mom hadn't heard me cry in a year. It hurt like Hades him self.  I didn't speak again that day other than saying thank you to Gabriel. I would go to my friend Lena or my backdoor neighbor Tristan to escape doing things wrong. It would help keep me at home and not run away. When I found wattpad I thought it was fun but I needed to keep it a secret how bad my life was then I realized there was no need nobody would like my work anyway so I start telling about my grandpa dieing. Nothing happened I was fine. One day my mom told me something I didn't want to hear the day was actually going well then my mom pops in and I don't feel anything and am like 😁(yes!) Then my mom says your cousin Avery has cancer. [This is a hard moment for me] (the same thing my grandpa had when he died) "WAIT AVERY GOT CANCER" I said feeling dread  "yeah that's what I said" my mom said like it was nothing. I ran to my room crying ( what if she dies) I thought "everything is changing and I don't have a choice about it" I cryed.

[Am going to end this half of my life so far here because it's 604 words right now and I can't write anymore without stressing out] ps. The rest of this should be better.