Destined Path

Chapter Twenty-Four; Beds Made

The woods were silent. No birds, no wind, nothing but soft tickling of water. I disrobed quickly and made sure I stayed close to strong ground. Carefully piling everything within reach as I sank into the waist deep water near a small rocky waterfall. Something in my gut churned, and I couldn't stop my instincts from pricking. I felt like something was wrong, but every time I looked around I saw no signs of danger. Not even a rabbit in sight, let alone another person. I shook it off. Perhaps it was because this was the first time I've been alone since giving birth, or even being pregnant. There was always someone trailing behind me, crowding my space.

Out of unease, I pulled the knife out of its hiding spot and sat it on a rock in front of me. Within reach. Scowling I scrubbed at my sweaty body, removing the dirt, filth and body exhaustion spent from hitting things. It was the only thing that gave me relief, settling me from everything going on. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I knew why the children weren't allowed to be around me often, not that I heartedly minded. I was bitterly angry, and tired, and so exhausted from listening to crying and sobbing and constant screaming – I didn't know what they wanted, I just needed it to stop! So my mother and husband took over. I understood, that I couldn't sleep, I wasn't well. I just wanted them to notice that I was getting better.

Fear, I had fear. I didn't want to go back home – Our home- and have them taken away by maids and wet-nurses. I didn't want to feel out of control and powerless like I did giving birth to them. With what came after as well, even if everyone says that it was normal. That the women had to stich you up after, that it was better. It hurt though. I thought about it whilst washing my hair with perfumed oils and soaps. I mean, Alex has kept his distance, but when I felt comfortable, when I was alone, I'd try to... and it would hurt. I was tight again, but it didn't feel right. They did say that it was only for the husband. So Alex doesn't have to put up with a 'loose vessel'. I just wasn't sure. I felt dependent on him in these matters. Like I needed him there for everything, just in case I was being lied to. I didn't trust anyone. I didn't even talk to my handmaidens anymore. Isolating myself, I just didn't want anyone near me. Feeling betrayed by everyone.

Scrubbing myself angrily, I let the mud stains mask my skin. Shaking my head, I dunked my whole body into the water and back. Floating under the water, feeling its icy touch around me. It reminded me of swimming in the ocean just after winter. Or the snow, I used to love burying myself under the snow when I was a small child. I'd hide there. Hid from my life, just for a little while. I opened my eyes to see in the clear spring water, my hair floated around my like a pale halo of seaweed. Like a bird seen fleetingly in the wind, a shadow crossed the water's surface.

Bringing myself to the surface with a gasped, I wiped my face free of water before looking around at my isolated surroundings. There was no one around. My instincts were screaming at me, that I needed to get out of the water and get dressed and go. I didn't see any danger. I didn't hear anything that'd cause me to think I wasn't alone. I reached for the knife, keeping it close. As I held in in my hand, my gaze ventured to my wrists, the jagged scars there. If the god's wanted to take my life, they were more than able to take it when I was willing to give it. I had the urge to do it again, but my heart protested strongly. I was a mother, my children needed me. I needed to be stronger. I needed to get better. I was losing face here, Alex was right; it was about time we left. Who knows what chaos and stupidity Willow has been up to in her son's absence. An absence caused by me. Although, I couldn't be remorseful that she didn't witness her granddaughters' birth. Foul witch!

The snap of twigs was as loud as lightening in the silent woods. Scrabbling to reach the water's edge, heavy footsteps pounded the earth, and I saw the shadow of a man before I was yanked out of the water by my hair. A hard boot from a second assailant connected with my face, hot blood dripped from my nose and from the chatter of my teeth. "You stupid bitch!" One spat as they heaved me onto the hard ground, raining hard kicks to my stomach and back. I rummaged for my senses whilst my body screamed in pain. "He should have killed you when we found you." They gruffed, "We know what you really are, Viking scum, a witch!" A hard punch landed into the soft skin of my stomach, and another to my jaw. They kicked my knife away. "You put a hex on him. Our king is ruined. You've cursed the household." They accused. I clawed at the face of the one closest, pinning me down. Scratching at his face and eyes, as I tried to kick and punch my way away from them. "Vulgar bitch! We should drown those little bastards that you spawned out of you. We know that they're not the kings." I screamed, lashing out at them.