dan's pov
why is shit so complicated? as in, i wake up in the morning and i feel nothing and all i want to do is to go back to sleep. possibly it's because i stayed up until 2am on the internet casually stalking people's social media. maybe it's because I was pondering about the inevitability of the end. then there's breakfast and actual conversing with other humans, also known as my family, who doesn't seem to understand why i'm so out of it.
after breakfast, i go upstairs because i obviously just want to be alone.
today is the sunday and time for church. whoopee. see how the word is dripping with sarcasm. i wonder if it has ever occurred to my parents that i don't actually want to go to church. i'm gay for god's sake i don't even think the church agrees with me.
however, there's this boy and he goes to church as well as my school. he's kind of in my friend group, i guess. but here's the thing, i'm falling for him, fucking 'trip over the carpet and fall flat on my face' falling for him. and he's just so pretty i'd even call him beautiful. his pale skin contrasting with his dark hair is really what i'm living for. he's so funny and surprisingly as tall as me, which makes for a great hug. jesus christ, his laugh will be the death of me the way his tongue pokes out.
oh yeah, one more thing, even though I could keep on going, quite possibly the most attractive feature for me, is his eyes. his eyes are like fucking oceans. i know it sounds cheesy but i could truly get lost in them.
guess what, phil is flirty as fuck and it's confusing most of the time because i don't know if he likes me or not. i can't just come straight out and say, 'phil i like you', and hope that he doesn't run away. i just can't keep holding onto a crush that i know will probably never like me. but fuck it, i'm just going to keep loving him until something happens. i know that's probably one of the worse ideas i've had but he's just amazing (phil).
i guess i've been thinking for at least 20 minutes because now i've been snapped back into reality by my mum nocking repetitively on my door. "dan? have you got dressed yet? dan? hello? dan are you there? dan? daniel?" she's questioning, "daniel james howell, please answer your door!"
i stumble towards the door and open it to find a very relieved looking mum. "sorry mum," i croak out, even though i've been up for hours.
"it's ok daniel, but please answer next time i thought something happened to you." mum says.
"yeah, i will. sorry again." i say.
"well," she says clapping her hands together, "on another note church is in five minutes and i don't want to rush you but you know you must come and look smart. i've ironed your clothes and polished your shoes." she says quickly, handing my clothes and shoes to me.
"thanks mum"
"your welcome sweetie. ok now chop chop, we really need to be there."
I close the door and don't even bother to shower i just put on my clothes and flat iron my hair because my fringe is currently in the state of a bush. also, dry shampoo because lord knows i'm too lazy to actually wash my fucking hair in the morning....or at night for that matter.
once i look reasonable, i throw on my clothes running down the stairs as i button up my trousers and meet the rest of my family downstairs.
my mum hops over to me and, of course, pats down my collar and straightens my shirt.
"ok dan you're ready you can head to the car." my mum breathes out. i kind of feel sorry for her, so much stress just to pray to the bearded guy in the sky. eh, i'll never get the concept of church but i'll still do it to make my parents happy. maybe my motive is phil goes but in my books that's perfectly valid so...i'll just carry on with my terrible decisions.
before i know it, the car is moving and we're off to church. i'm just nervous about phil. i just i can't look at him without my insides melting into a useless goop. it kind of makes me brain dead. i hope i don't have to sit next to him because i'll literally be sweating profusely and someone's bound to notice. but i do want to look at his face so i hope i'm sitting in proximity. ugh why is this so complicated.
oh shit we're at church now and i've got to face my annoying feelings for him and just suck it up. ok it's ok i'll be fine, i keep saying it to myself. ok you'll get a panic attack if you keep acting like this just calm down. so i just try to calm down.
as i walk into church i keep my head down until i feel a person walking next to me ; i generally walk behind my family so i wondered who it was.
i look up and it's none other than the boy who's been dominating my thoughts this morning. i almost fall into his ocean eyes but i'm just hanging on. we exchange sweet smiles and separate to sit with our families. or at least i thought we would separate, he followed me and went into the same row. well i guess we're sitting next to each other.
we all settle down and the service starts.
ok, i'm sitting next to phil lester.
shit
>>>
yay that's my first chapter done.
