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by punkroque

by punkroque

Day one, August 13th, 2014 | 8:25 a.m.

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Dear Dad,

Today's the day! I'll let you know now, that I'm kind of excited. Yet, I'm also really scared. I've never been in a hot air balloon before, yet alone on anything that floats. I guess it might be sorta like a plane, and I hate planes. Lets just hope I don't get sick, Dad. Can you make that deal with me? I hope so, I really don't think Mum would be to happy with me if I puked in the balloon basket.

Speaking of Mum, she seems happy for once, which is amazing! Even though she cried again last night, I didn't hear her this time, but I know she was. Her eyes are swollen and red, but she said she was feeling alright when I asked her this morning. There's a feeling in my chest, Dad. This really bad ache in my heart, that made me reconsider doing this today, because I don't want Mum to be upset over this trip. It's supposed to be a happy trip, and make her and I feel better. So far, it's just brought her to tears. But she just said we should do it, she said you would've wanted us too, no matter how badly it hurts her.

The balloon we're flying in today is a bright neon purple. Your favorite color, Mum told me. I think that put her a little at ease, Dad. Oh! guess what? Hot air balloon's are huge. Next to planes and your old band's tour bus, this is the biggest thing I've ever seen. Mum seemed to be just as shocked as I was over the whole thing.

But I'm still so excited! Our first stop is The Big Ben. Of course we aren't going to land the balloon right by The Big Ben, but we are going to land the balloon on the outskirts of London, and take a cab into London's center, and then walk to The Big Ben. Mum said you'd been to the Clock already, with your band a long time ago.

Mum told me how badly you wanted to go to The Big Ben, with all of us as a family. We were going to do that for your birthday a while ago, but then you left, Dad. We never went after that. It was to painful for us to even mention the name, and Mum took down the picture we had of the clock in the flat. She said you were going to propose there at first, and then you popped the question when you two were on a beach in America, California to be exact. She said it was still super romantic, but besides that, she thought we should go to The Big Ben to kind of go 'as a family'. Or part of it.

I mean, I'm super excited, Dad, but Mum seems a little sad about it. I think it'll be good for us to go there, though. Maybe it'll give us some closure. I need to run for a few minutes, Dad, we're getting ready to go!

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8:53 a.m.

I'm back, Dad. We just took off! It was really scary at first, but Mum knows how to operate the balloon and stuff, so I'm not so scared anymore! It's really windy, and I'm glad I braided my hair back this morning, otherwise it would be in my face. I have your hair, brown and curly. I saw an old picture of you, from 2012. My hair's just as curly as yours! Mum loves it, and she won't ever let me straighten it. Anyways,

Oh my gosh, Dad, I'm so excited! I can barely write this properly to you, my hands are shaking so much! We're traveling 216 km today, which equals 134 miles. I hope we get there soon, I really want to see The Big Ben, Dad. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures for you, and when we get home, I'll show you all of them!

I miss you. I think this is the closest I've been to you in a long time, Dad. I feel like if I lift my hand up towards the clouds, I could grab your hand and pull you back down here, with us. It's silly to imagine that, you've been gone for 13 years. Thirteen. It seems like an eternity. It has been, honestly.

I better go now, Dad. Mum wants me to learn how to operate the balloon in case of emergency! I'll be back sooner or later, don't worry!

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1:03 p.m.

Dad! We did it, we're finally here! That two hours was probably one of the longest waits in my whole life. Anyways, we're just now leaving The Big Ben, and I got tons of pictures for you! We even ran into one of your old fans, Dad, and she was so so nice! She didn't say anything mean, and she even had Mum and I take a picture with her!

Your band was really popular, from what Mum tells me. Anyways, The Big Ben was so cool! It's huge, and it's so pretty when the sun shines on it! London's really nice today, and there's no gray clouds out! I think that's your doing, Dad. I think you're here with us today, not physically, but in spirit. I always believe that, and so does Mum. People think it's weird that I write to you like this, and they just don't understand.

I know you hear me, I know you listen when I talk to you. I know you read my letters, and that you're still with me. You're still helping Mum raise me, you sit with us when we're sad. You probably still laugh when Mum burns dinner, too. I really really miss you, Dad. Why was it you? Why did you have to get so sick? It's not fair... You told me things happen for a reason, even if that reason doesn't seem good. I just wish it wasn't you that it happened to.

Anyways, we're heading to a motel for the night, and then it's off to our next stop! I'll write to you in the morning, Daddy.

All my love,

Jessica R. Payne x