I Made a Mistake

My Big mouth - Part 1

What was there to say, anyway?

What was I supposed to say to that?

I didn't like being put on the spot, so when Holtz did that...it made me uncomfortable and I could tell I had hurt her feelings with the way she reacted to my denying that we were a couple.

We weren't. At least...I didn't think so. Up until now I just thought we...casually hung out. At night. With our clothes off.

She apparently thought we were a couple. Had I been sending signals to her that we were? I denied it in front of two people and given the face she made. The tone of voice. It was so classic to that of someone who had been rejected. She responded with awkwardness and frankly...it made my stomach tie in knots.

I didn't want to hurt her. That was never my intention. But...I mean...what we were doing...we had both assured each other at first it was for fun. And it was still just for fun. Right?

I was so confused at that moment, but I got all of the clarification that I needed that night when I tried to sneak into Holtz's room and the door was locked. She usually left it unlocked so I could come and go as I pleased. But I jiggled the doorknob just a few more times to make sure that I was turning it hard enough. It was definitely locked. And I was definitely on the verge of tears. I'm such an idiot.

But this was a firehouse and there was more than one way in. I would be taking advantage of that tonight.

I walked back into the small hallway of the upstairs and took another small flight of stairs that led to another small flight of stairs. This place was a workout. Finally, there was, in front of me, what Abby and Patty liked to call the stripper pole. Obviously, that was not what it was, but it did lead to Holtz's room. She wasn't getting off that easy. I kept telling myself that so I wouldn't fling myself out a window because I had made her feel so bad.

I'm not always very good at apologizing but damn it, I was going to try tonight. The last time I apologized for something dumb I said I ended up at the foot of her bed. Not on her bed. Literally at the end of the bed, on the floor, begging.

Would that be such a cruel fate?

She did this to me. She has made me overthink relationships more than any other person ever has. I don't know if I care for that quite frankly.

I slid down the pole as carefully as I could, but I could already feel my pajamas giving me a wedgie and I began grunting because so was my underwear. This was not going well. I was making the sounds an infant makes when they were aggravated. Finally, I slid to the bottom and my feet landed on the floor. All in one piece. Surprisingly.

I turned around and Holtz stood there, arms crossed and tapping her bare foot. They were so tiny without those giant boots on.

I froze.

"Oh....hey...I was just...going to...get...water...I got lost. Oops. I'll just go back up now." I turned around to leave. To attempt to climb back up that damned pole as stupid as it sounded, and I heard her voice. Smooth. Sultry. As always. And a little goofy.

"You're not going anywhere, Erin," Holtzmann spoke, and I cringed. Fuck.

"EEHHHH...errrrr...but I gotta." I fumbled with my words like a child. She did that to me.

She smirked at me. Why was she smirking?

"Usually when people lock the door it is not to keep themselves in, but to keep others out." Holtz stated the obvious.

"Yeah well I don't think it's exactly fair to not give any warnings, and just have me standing there like a fool!" I chimed in quickly.

I walked right into that one.

Holtz raised her eyebrow and she took her glasses off. Halfway hanging off of her face, and perched upon one of her cutely shaped ears.

I think maybe if she had the right mixture of chemicals near by, I would be turned into dust given the way she was looking at me.