mexico | blosner

pt. 2

(just want to say that the setting here is kind of inaccurate as mike had moved back to detroit to spend his dad's last ten months or so b4 he died in januray 2017 at home but this is fanfic so don't hurt me too hard k thx)
---
It had been a while since the surgery. A while since Mike's show in Mexico. A while since Mat had broken up with the man he'd loved for years.

Even after months, Mat still didn't know why he'd done it. Maybe it was the painkillers he'd been put on. Maybe it was the overwhelming emotions he'd been feeling. Maybe it was the pictures from Mike's show that he'd seen. Whatever it was, it had led Mat to stop responding to Mike's texts and eventually leave him a curt voicemail telling him that they were "fucking over and over fucking". He was a lyricist, after all.

Waking up every morning (or afternoon) in the months after the surgery always hit him with an ache in his heart that was a thousand times worse than all the pain he'd felt during his alcohol-and-drug-induced attack. So, when he picked up his phone and stared at the screen one morning, it was no surprise that he ended up opening the iMessage app. He scrolled through the messages until he landed on a conversation that was labeled with a simple "Mike" instead of the mess of heart emojis that it used to be. He tapped the screen and took a sharp intake of breath when he looked at the last messages sent. They were all from Mike, asking how Mat was doing and if he was okay or not. They were not bitter, were not rude. They were all caring and supportive, two things that Mat had made it seem like Mike was not after he hadn't showed up to be with Mat when he went under the knife.

Mat sniffled and began writing out messages.

hey mike

i don't know if you'll even see these, but if you do, please know that i miss you

my place is so boring without you, even if i'm surrounded by other people

my bed is too big without you and i have to sleep on the floor instead

we all miss you around here

we miss your laugh and your random guitar-playing and your dumb jokes

we miss your cooking and your happiness and the way that you always knew what we wanted, no matter what it was we were deciding on

i miss you so much

i miss your arms around me in bed, holding me when i wake up crying after a nightmare

i miss your smile and i miss being the one that would cause you to smile

i miss your hands holding me, touching me, working me

i miss your tongue; in my mouth, on my skin, pushing me to the edge

i miss you daddy

please let me have you again

When Mat put his phone down, all of his plans for that day dissolved right then and there. He'd told himself that he was going to get something done that day, but all he'd wanted to do was curl up in his spinny desk chair and go to sleep. So that's what he did. With tears still running down his cheeks, he curled in on himself and let sleep overcome him in the empty studio.

---

Waking up had become a hassle for Mike. It'd been a while since he'd woken up before eleven and even with the extra hours of sleep, he was taking naps throughout the day. He hadn't picked up any of his instruments in days. When he'd gotten back from his last show, he'd went straight to his lonely LA mansion. He hadn't went to see any of his friends, hadn't made his homecoming known. He knew that he'd fucked up and he knew that it was bad.