Where to begin. In this story of this depressed little non binary dude, and the most amazing guy in the world. I knew from the moment I first saw you that you were different. Not in a bad way but in a good way. You weren't like anyone else I ever knew. A kind hearted soul with so many things amazing about you. We bonded a lot didn't we? Numerous late night conversations and Skype calls and singing to each other and several times I've comforted you when you've been in trouble or even that time you were in hospital.
Now skip forward a few months. A few times youve been gone and had your phone taken away and stuff and many lonely night's of endless tears and bad thoughts for me. Things have changed. Some in a good way some in a bad way. We know each other so much better now. We trust each other so much better now. But there's still that little paranoia in the back of my head. The little voice saying "he won't text back because he hates you". "He only tolerates speaking to you". "Why would anyone want a stupid over emotional fatty depressed person in their life? ". My mind is a weird thing. As is everyone's. One moment I can be ecstatic about something and the next I just break down in tears.
Now, I'm pretty positive you know I have feelings for you. I've openly said it and I've said stuff like I wanna spend my life with you and all that. That's true. I do. I'd do anything to have such an amazing person in my life forever. But maybe I don't deserve you? Here's the anxiety and paranoia back at it again. I can think all I want about if I'm good enough for you but it's what you think that matters.
Now my mind is racing different thoughts and ugh it's so overwhelming. One song lyric I listen to a lot is "you killed what was left of the good in me, I'm tired so let me be broken". (A day to remember in case you're wondering) I love that lyric so much but I also hate it. Youve done the exact opposite to me. You've brought out the good in me. Not that I was a bad person before I just never really cared about life and stuff.
Now my mind is wandering and I'm thinking about life and this was what made me who I am today. Over thinking about life. Kinda sparked my depression and stuff so yeah. I know this is a very touchy subject for you as it also is for me so I won't go too deep for the sake of both of us. They say death is what makes life meaningful. (Quote from a marvel movie :P) For some that is true. For me it's different. YOU are what makes my life meaningful.
Now I know this may sound a bit desperate but you are my whole world. You are what makes me get outta bed in the morning and go to sleep at night. Some people in life strive for greatness. For gold medals and trophies and even employee of the month awards. You are my gold medal. You are what I strive for. I want happiness for us.
It's now about 9:15 and I've just about finished. I'm now gonna see if I can try and get ya to read this. I miss you baby. Message me when you see this
