RANDOM

Random 1

i've been locked in my room since i was 5 , not much happening just me discovering the world through my computer and walking in that little space between my bed and closet , from 5 to 10 i knew the basics on how to use a comptuer and some hardware stuff and at 12 i was introduced to the dak side of internet which is literally the dark side of everything found in that wide space , a visit to the dark web changed my vision and increased my will to die since u can hire hitmans or buy guns or hard drugs but i was broke af cuz i don't do much , i just go to shcool and come back home then lock the door and experience every kind of loneliness till i can't feel it anymore .. i feel unstoppable , surrounded by spirits of every serial killer i read abt or any person who who did commit suicide due to mental disorders , then my life took a whole new level with existence of music in it , from 90's rap , rakim , biggie , big pun passing by nirvana , kiss , megadeth , having a peek at elvis presley , jimi hendrix , jolene ending with tyler the creator , asap rocky and travis scott ... u can say i heard every type of music in 11 or 12 years , even vaporwave wich give me chills lol so i started spamming to get some rare vinyls of elvis or jolene to albums like betteroffdead by FTZ and to ultraviolence and born to die by lana ... so the idea of listeneing to "sad" or "depressive" music wasn't the best for my mentall ilness cuz after that depression went from 0 to 100 real quick as that prick drake said but tbh i enjoyed it , enjoyed every cut i did , every headbutt to the wall and every cigarette i smoked ... in my tough days , u can see me n every inch of my room , under the bed or above it , with blood dripping of my hand with a lot of music playing at once like yonkers and love it loud , that mix is life tho and everytime i finish by cleaning my room and leaving no clue so i'll stay the same innocent kid in everyone's eyes and that plan lasted for so many years till i'm 15 i started getting out of control till one day they called me satanic at my school due to my weird attittude and freaky look and that was exactly after that stupid girl commited suicide and everyone doubted that she was satanic so that was the main thing in my country , finding satanic ppl etc ... so one of my teachers heard abt it and she had a bigger position that a teacher in my school etc so she decided to kick me out but momhad my back by showing her that prize i had at 9yrs old for reading the whole quran and the teacher was convinced and that was so close ... at the same year i decided to go atomic blonde like charlie theron , i mean dying my hair blond yea ... as they say " whenever things get wrose change the color of ur hair "  between all these years i had some failed relationships but only 2 of them were interesting , the first was with a blondie , into aesthetic shit and sad quotes .. uk how teenagers are , no need to explain and the second with a veiled , freckles girl who's still looking for her identity , is it in that scarf on her head or in the books of karl marx ... my daily routine was deadly boring , wut's more deadly that routine ? my daily routing , so i wake up at 7:20 wear black clothes which everyone thinks they are the same lol and go to school , smoking the first cigarette of the day at 7:25 and enter the class at 8 , from 8 to 17 it's all bullshit and ppl looking at me some time cuz my attitude , having some cigarettes about 6 , chatting with my only friend which is freaky too mj and then back to the dark hole aka my room , dinner and a lot of internet & music