People say first loves are difficult. I never believed them until i spoke to him.
It was just to discuss the probability of me making a roleplay account, but there was something that set this boy out from the rest of them.
He made me smile even just during the roleplaying. the roleplay was more or less romantic and it gave me butterflies without it even being directed towards me.
We talked for a few hours and that's where the thoughts hit.
I have no clue what triggered it, but i wanted to die. i took a load of pills and he begged me to stay awake. with the help of him and one of my other close online friends, i threw up the pills. i cried for hours and hours after i threw up.
i should be dead
i shouldn't be alive
these scars should have let me bleed out.
Those thoughts plagued my brain for that night.
I woke up the next morning and i talked to him for hours. He made me so happy. I told him i thought i liked him. he felt the same.
two days later we started dating.
everything was okay. he was my prince and i was his princess. i loved him. i wanted him to be my forever. it wasn't until three days later that i realized how deep i'd fallen for this boy.
"Jayyyyyyy
I WAS WOKEN UP BY MY MOM CAUSE APPARENTLY MY SLEEVE WAS UP AND SHE STARTED GOING THROUGH MY PHONE AND SAW OUR MESSAGES AND SHE SAID I CAN'T DATE YOU AND SHE SAID SHES GOING TO KEEP CHECKING MY PHONE TO MAKE SURE WE AREN'T SECRETLY DATING I WANT TO DIE."
i broke down.
his love fixed me and now it was being taken away.
Love is difficult.
The lyrics in my head are still repeating.
"What did you do with my heart?"
YOU ARE READING
Sad Book For A Sad Girl
Non-FictionA book in which i vent. //TRIGGER WARNING// This book has mentions of suicidal thoughts, heartbreak, suicide attempts, self harm, loss of loved ones, and mentions of eating disorders.
