Possibility of the Future

Chapter One

Movement came from behind me, signaling my bedmate was awake. Or conscious enough to know I was no longer laying next to him. A calloused hand slid around my waist and tightened, trying to draw me back down. But I wouldn’t let myself be sucked back in. It wasn’t an option.

My waist was released and the rough palm roamed upward and upward until he cupped my left breast. The lids of my eyes closed, the agitation of the morning getting worse, and I released a breath before brushing his hand away. We went through this every morning, as it was his way of figuring out my mood. Sometimes I would be ok and I would play around with him but other times, like this morning, I would just move away. Close myself off from him and everything else.  

“You really are a cold-hearted bitch,” I heard him mutter behind me.

I controlled my expression and looked at him over my shoulder. “You didn’t seem to mind last night.”

“And I don’t much care now.”

Not responding to that, I turned back around and finished off what I had in my glass. Today was definitely not going to be a good day. I got up, grabbed some clothes, and went to the bathroom, slamming the door closed behind me. I needed to run in order to take the edge off the meanness.

I ran more than a normal person should. Sometimes I thought I was trying to outrun the past, at least my memories of it anyway. But I should’ve known by now. One cannot simply run from memories. You can only not think of them and I tried to do that as much as possible.

The only time I stopped thinking was when my feet were pounding the pavement.

So I ran. From Sword & Arrow to the park and then back. Every morning and night. Same thing, day in and day out, not much deviation unless I decided to go further.

When I left, my bedmate had rolled to his stomach in order to go back to sleep, burying his face deep into the pillow. When I got back, he was still there, sparking a bit of agitation that he wasn’t getting a move on. There were things to get done, cases to solve, and more importantly, neither of us wanted anyone to see him leaving the apartment.

I avoided thinking of him and the bed and went straight to taking a quick shower. Today was important on so many levels and in a way, I wanted it done and over with. There was no time to dwell on the man currently gracing my bed or the bad mood I couldn’t shake.

But I wanted to. I wanted to enjoy his company. I wanted to go back to bed, go back to sleep, and when I woke up, I wanted to enjoy him. I wanted to feel something other than what I did right now. Exhausted. Sad. Unhappy. Just plan…dark. I wanted the good emotions back, the ones that put genuine smiles on my face instead of having to fake my way through everything.

It never happened. It was as if that part of me was dead and gone, detached from the whole of me. Hell, I didn’t even know if there was a part of me capable of being the happy go lucky girl used to be.

But I wanted to.

The shower portion of the day ended and I moved into getting ready. After getting dressed in all black, I put my hair up in a high bun and secured it with a holder. The whole ensemble made me look severe. Scary.

When I exited the bathroom, he was sitting at the edge of the bed. He’d clearly just woken up, the grogginess of sleep still clinging to his face.

“Haven’t you left yet?” I snapped.

It slipped out before I could censor my irritation and I was rewarded with the full, angry brunt of his attention. He looked up at me; startling green eyes met my own and it forced me I blink. Varying emotions shocked through me, none of which I could dwell on.