•Notes•//DingDulian

•13•

DingDong:
I sat at home crying in my bed hoping you would come back home and tell me you're sorry and that you love Me and nobody else.After about 20Minutes of sitting there and crying I went to my bathroom and grabbed the small box of razors that I hid on top of my shelf where Julian couldn't see them because he would throw them away for sure.I pulled down my jeans and sat down on the floor.There were only faded away scars on my legs because It's been more than a year when I last cut myself on my leg.
Every cut got deeper and deeper and I wouldn't have stopped if I didn't get sick and came to the realisation that I should stop.I put the bandages I found in Julian's bathroom a few days ago around me leg and started slowly getting up.
„Fuck"My Leg hurt so bad and I hated the fact that cutting started hurting so bad again.Back when I did it everyday It usually only hurt a tiny bit and that only at the first cut after that My Leg was already numb but now every cut hurts more and more.While I was walking back to my room I heard my phone get a notification.It was Chris,
Oney:Are you alright?It didn't seem like it especially because you and Julian didn't talk at all.
Me:I'm fine,Everything's fine between us I guess he was just busy talking to his new crush ,Matt
Oney:Is he home?
Me:Nope,Why?
Oney:I guess then he went with Matt and Ryan to their place because he left about 15Minutes ago.
I put my phone down and sat down on my bed.For a second I was mad at him because he was cheating on me but we aren't dating.I have no right to be mad at him.He just kissed me and told me he loved me without even meaning it so whatever.
This is what I get for believing he loved me even if it was for just a tiny second,I should've never believed him.Love is the worst Things that has ever happened to Humanity it can either make you the happiest person alive or make you want to die,there's no in between.
I put the blanket over myself not caring I was still in Julian's sweater even if it was like 30°C.After crying into his sweater for another 10Minutes and hugging my blanket I fell asleep hoping I would wake up with Julian besides me telling me he loves me and that everything will be alright even though it won't.Why does love hurt so bad I just want to be over with it.
I just want to be over with everything.