A half closed door is better than a half opened one; you know where you stand
Ted’s ‘other half’ opened the door and Charlie cringed. Margaret was a women best avoided especially in the morning. She was a woman who felt life had dealt her more than her fair share of blows and any man, even Charlie was ‘the enemy’.
‘Ted;’ she yelled ‘TED !!! None of your cold crap; get out of bed and get to work.’
She glared at Charlie with flared nostril breathing.
‘See that wife of yours’ she said, using her cigarette as a full stop ‘all that ‘pull yourself together’ crap; ever tried to pull yourself together on 50p and five fags? She took Ted’s pills off him. SHE; says hard work and vegetables is what he needs. Bollocks to that! Ever tried to feed a drunk spinach?
Charlie watched her suck the life out her roll up; ‘no’ he said.
‘And then; she gave me these!’
Margaret thrust a bottle of pills into Charlie’s face; he looked at her thick fingers wrapped around the familiar label and his heart sunk. Janice under the influence of Daisy; had gone all green; balancing moods with teas and funny smelling tablets. That bottle of pills had been thrust in his face more times than Ted’s ‘colds’. Charlie sighed and took the pills; it wasn’t easy being married to Janice a tactless physiologist with ‘new age’ tendencies; especially in a small town where half of those on benefits had at some time been under her care.
‘I’m no menopausal!’ she yelled. ‘So she can stick ‘em up her arse.’
Charlie walked back to the van tossing Janice’s pills in a nearby bin; Hector was sitting in the passenger seat with his arm swinging out of the window. He smiled at Charlie.
‘Another ten minutes then?’
Charlie threw Hector a “what do you think?” look and jumped into the van.
Hector also helped Charlie with his gardening although sometimes he dreamed of cleaning (he just LOVED the feel of shammy leather).
‘Want a crisp gov?’ said Hector who had a passion for “The Bill” and ‘Frost‘.
Charlie mustered a smile, and slid on his Smiths CD.
‘There’s a penguin in my bag, you can have that if you like.’
‘What I need,’ said Charlie with a “nothing against you” look ‘is something better.’
‘Let’s clean windows we can DO IT?’ said Hector. ‘You could do the inside and I could do the out.’
Charlie looked at Hector pouring the last of his crisps into his mouth. Hector was the sort of man whose idea of fun was to walk his bike around the town yelling ‘yowl’ to anyone he half knew. How could he understand what Charlie wanted?
‘You still want be a writer then’ said Hector?
I’d give anything to have my face on the back of a paper back.
‘Something for TV?’ said Hector; taking a non reply as yes, he beamed, ‘You could get me to met nice man Jack Frost?’
Charlie looked his reflection in the revision mirror, ‘I want to make folk think; elevate them with humour
Be on desert island disc talk about The Smiths and how they inspire me… pull …maybe a DJ…
‘Oh.’ said Hector, now rummaging for his penguin. ‘Janice says you should stick to weed killer.’
YOU ARE READING
30 Seconds
HumorIn 30 seconds Charlie's life flashed before his eyes and there was bugger all to see! Charlie a man of indecision is forced into making a decision that not only changes his life but those around him. But does he sink or swim? Look back or forward? I...
