Learning to feel (a kevedd fanfic)

Chapter 1 : Kevin

College is a constant while in high school. It seems like everything you do is for college. Teachers are always saying stuff like "this is what you need to prepare yourself for college" and counselors are always up in your face like "You should come in and talk with me and we can look into some scholarship options for you." and your family is always asking you "when are you going to college? What do you plan on doing when high school is just a memory?" At least I assume that's what family members ask. I wouldn't really know, all I've got is my Dad and he lets his fists do the talking.

My senior year started a month ago and most kids already knew what colleges they are going to apply to. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I really want to go to college but, my grades have only ever been good enough to keep me on the football team and if I don't get into college I'll have to stop playing football and, right now, that's the only thing that's keeping me sane. Well, that and Edd.

I've known Double D for as long as I can remember and I've always had a bit of a thing for him. I wouldn't call in love, it's more of a hopeless crush. I used to try and convince myself that I didn't like him and that it would just go away. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't gay. I mean how could me Kevin Barr, Captain of the football team, biggest ladies man, tormentor of fags... be one himself? I've dated countless girls and screwed all of them but for some reason, some stupid god damn reason, whenever I went to take care of myself I looked at guys and thought of Edd.

I hear a loud ring that indicates class has ended and it's time for lunch. I stare at the empty sheet of notebook paper in my binder for a second before closing it.

I didn't take any notes...again. I'm going to fail this class if I keep this up.

Before making my way to the cafeteria I stop in the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face. I push open the door and hear a thud on the other side. I peer down at a boy frantically putting a black hat back onto his head.

"Oh, um sorry." I say in a mono tone voice. I wanted to sound more sympathetic but for some reason I just couldn't make my voice sound like I care.

"Oh, my." Said the small boy while standing and fixing himself. "That's quite alright Kevin, I'm perfectly fine." He flashed me a cute smile that slightly exposed the black gap between his teeth and left.

I shook my head slightly and made my way to the sink. I stared at my reflection for a moment moving my piercing green eyes, down to my mouth that never seemed to smile anymore and back up the the cow lick that caused three locks of my hair to poke out of my hat. I was completely disgusted with myself. I couldn't see what others saw in me. Why did people like me? Why did girls find me attractive?

I turned on the sink and splashed the water onto my freckle covered face. First hot water. As hot as it could get. I ran my hands under it until they turned red, then I turned on the cold water and let the water run until my hands were numb.

***

The cafeteria roared with the sounds of teens eating, and talking, and laughing. I considered grabbing a bite but, I just wasn't feeling it. I headed over to the loudest table. It was full of jocks. I grabbed a seat next to the boy with mint green hair.

He swung his arm around me "Hey man, what took ya so long? Wait, are you not eating...again!?"

"I was in that bathroom." I say while removing his arm from my shoulder.

"Well, what about food?" He said in a sincere voice.

"I had a pretty big breakfast." I lied.

He gave me an 'I know you're lying' look and said "We'll talk later."

I nodded and lost myself in the meaning less conversations and gossip.

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AHHH I'M SUPER EXCITED ABOUT THIS!I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS PLANNED!  ANYWAY, I'LL PROBABLY UPDATE AGAIN TOMORROW. THANKS BUNCHES FOR READING!!!