Sleep Deprived

-Chapter One-

The room was dark. I was staring blankly at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to find me.
It wouldn't.
My eyes turned the turning fan above me, the slight creak of the motion bugged me. That was probably what was keeping me up, right?
I turned onto my left side, pressing my head into my pillow, closing my eyes tight. Sleep wouldn't find me. My eyes ached from staying open for so long. I shifted my legs around under the covers.
No use. I turned to my right side.
I slung my arm over the edge of my bed, feeling at the bed framing under it. I tapped my finger tips on the wood, the tapping relaxing me. I didn't help much, though. After minutes of tapping, my arm got tired.
I turned to my back.
I stayed there. For minutes. Continuous minutes. My leg started to shake uncontrollably, due to constant anxiety.
I looked back up at the ceiling and the fan that made this horrible noise that kept me thinking. I turned my head to my book self to my left. I aimlessly reached out, looking for this little click light that I kept on the top shelf.
Click.
I stayed laying across my bed half horizontally, looking at the light. At least I could see now. I shifted back to my spot on my pillow. I layed my head to the side, trying to get comfortable.
No use.
I glanced at my phone. It wouldn't hurt just to check a few things, or to watch a few videos?
I gave in.
I grabbed my phone, unplugging it from the charger. I would soon come to regret this choice later in the day, seeing that the time on my phone read 2:54 AM. I drew in my password and opened up an app. I refreshed the page, scrolled down for a few minutes, then closed it. This process continued for several apps until my eyes began to burn from the phone's light. I turned and reached for the little click light on my shelf and turned it off.
Click.
I decided now I was going to watch some videos. I opened the app and watched scrolled through my options. I found one that seemed interesting and clicked on it. I watched it for awhile until it got boring and went onto another one. This process continued for several videos. I finally couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. My eyes ached more than they did before I had turned my phone on.
I regretted it.
I couldn't pin point the cause of my lack of sleep, but I chose to ignore it. It's not like I was looking forward to anything in the morning, I could sleep all day if I wanted. I could stay up all night if I wanted.
But I don't.
And I still do.
It's almost like I don't have a choice. I tell myself, "Maybe 11 is a good time?" But as soon as 11 comes by I'm not 'tired' so the I say "Maybe 12 is a good time?" And then 12 comes around and I decide to stay up longer, and I keep doing this until I finally decide to shut everything off at 2am and I just lay and stare for an hour until I finally decide to do something about it.
They usually don't help.
Like turning my light on. Turning in my bed. Listening to sounds. Looking at my phone. Stupid sensory things that might put me to sleep. But sleep never comes. Not until I have to literally burn my eyes closed with lights to get them to stay closed long enough to actually want to sleep. Sleep just doesn't seem like a humanly factor to me. I wish I didn't need to sleep.
I'd get so bored very easily.
I rub my eyes. The phone screen hurts. I need to sleep. When I want to sleep, it doesn't happen. But when I dont, it does. I try my best, but sleep hates me. I hate it as well, but that doesn't mean we can't understand that we need eachother. Each night gets later and later. Then earlier and earlier, but then the next day it goes back to being too late to get enough sleep in. It's an endless battle to sleep and stay awake.
I never seem to win.