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⠀⠀⠀CARSEN WOKE WITH the dawn, surrounded by red and snow and the smell of earth.
⠀⠀⠀Her face was less than an inch from Ygritte's. She could see the redhead's face more clearly now - the white skin marred with freckles that scattered her thin nose and sharp cheeks. Her eyes, closed in slumber, were quivering slightly; her eyelashes were long and wispy and tickled the skin beneath her eyes. Her lips were pale with deep cracks resonating in the skin like tiny, wavering canyons. The redhead jerked suddenly in her sleep, and Carsen started; suddenly, all of her other senses flooded back into her body. She felt the cold on her face. She heard Jon's low breathing some feet away from her. She smelled the crisp winter air. She saw curls of black behind wisps of red, stark against the snow.
⠀⠀⠀Carsen pulled herself backward hastily, and as Ygritte's hand fell into the snow, she startled herself from her own sleep. Her moss-green eyes were soft with sleep as she blinked in the harsh light. The image of a doe in bright lights struck Carsen suddenly as she looked at those flickering eyelids, parted mouth and shaking limbs, and then almost laughed despite herself; she was sure there was nothing the redhead would hate more than being compared to a deer.
⠀⠀⠀Carsen glanced behind her; Jon was still asleep, a tiny furrow between his thick brows and a slight frown tugging on his full lips. His black hair and cloak stood out starkly against the snow, his breath escaping his mouth in tiny wisps of pearl-hued smoke. She knew that veiled under those eyelids were irises of smoke, pools grey as steel but glimmering with the shadows of all his emotions.
⠀⠀⠀"You like 'im or something?"
⠀⠀⠀Carsen started; she tore her eyes from Jon's sleeping form to where Ygritte crouched. For the first time since Carsen had seen her, her face looked completely serious, devoid of smirks or mischievous glitters in her eye. "The crow. What, you in love with him?"
⠀⠀⠀Carsen swallowed. "No," she said stoutly, shifting her gaze to the sky. It was the colour of clay and just as dense, with thick, grey clouds rolling overhead, made silver by the white sunlight shining, unseen, behind them.
⠀⠀⠀"Good," the redhead countered. "Layin' with him must be like fucking an icicle. 'E looks like he'd start cryin' 'alfway through the-"
⠀⠀⠀"Shut up!" Carsen snapped, apparently too loudly. Jon gave a grunt, and she heard a rustling as he righted himself.
⠀⠀⠀Ygritte giggled as Jon's sleepy dark eyes flitted from her to Carsen and back again in confusion. Carsen felt a burning pit of guilt in her stomach as Jon's bewildered stare cut through her to nick at her heart. She scooped up a fistful of snow and threw it at Ygritte; it exploded over the wildling's chest. "Stop laughing," Carsen muttered, pushing herself to her feet. Ygritte gave a last weak chuckle before subsiding, and yet as silence settled over their group, Carsen mourned noise.
⠀⠀⠀Jon cleared his throat, getting to his feet. "We should move," he said. "We'll need to catch up to the others by dark."
⠀⠀⠀"If they're not dead," sang Ygritte as they started to walk. "If my brothers didn't get there first. If the Others haven't torn them limb from limb. If they've forgotten all about you and are 'alfway back to the Wall by now."
⠀⠀⠀"Be quiet," Jon snarled, jerking on her rope.
⠀⠀⠀"Are you the only girl crow?" Ygritte's voice sounded just a few moments later, irritating like a fly buzzing and grating like metal on metal.
⠀⠀⠀"Yes, as far as I know," answered Carsen stiffly. Without knowing why, she glanced at Jon as she said it, as of her words would have some sort of effect on him, but he was staring straight ahead, face devoid of emotion.
⠀⠀⠀"So do all the lads do it with you?"
⠀⠀⠀"No! I - they didn't know I was a girl until - until recently," Carsen stammered.
⠀⠀⠀"Oh. So they do it with each other then?"
⠀⠀⠀"No," Jon answered this time.
⠀⠀⠀"What, ever?" It was amazing how Ygritte could manage to look both appalled and slightly intrigued.
⠀⠀⠀"Never. We swore an oath," Jon replied.
⠀⠀⠀The redhead thought for a moment. "Are there sheep at the Wall?"
⠀⠀⠀A laugh burst unbidden from Carsen's lips; it was a short, bright burst of mirth, scarce heard over the howling wind and over in a second, but the damage was done. Jon whipped round to stare at her in disbelief and annoyance, and Ygritte's features graced that smug look again.
⠀⠀⠀Carsen felt herself droop. She didn't know why she was being so candid about everything, when Jon was acting so serious, so sullen. It felt like when everyone found out she was a girl, the part of Carsen Sage that worried about blending in died. As Carsen, she was dull and inspoken and quiet.
⠀⠀⠀"With your hands then?" Ygritte continued, catching Carsen's eye and winking as she spoke. Carsen turned her head. "No wonder you're all so miserable."
⠀⠀⠀"Would you please shut up!" Jon bit out angrily. Ygritte cocked her head.
⠀⠀⠀"Would you please shut up!" she mocked in a deep voice. "You think you're better than me, crow? I'm a free woman!"
⠀⠀⠀"You're a free woman?" Jon repeated, tugging on her ropes pointedly. The redhead was undeterred.
⠀⠀⠀"I may be your prisoner but I'm still a free woman!" she spat.
⠀⠀⠀"If you're my prisoner, you're not a free woman! That's what prisoner means!"
⠀⠀⠀"Stop it," Carsen yelled, her voice raising higher than their loud tones and the screaming of the wind. "This journey is going to be unpleasant at best anyway, and I am sick to death of hearing both your voices." She motioned to Ygritte. "You need to shut up." She pointed at Jon. "And you need to grow up. Out here, nobody is anybody. Out here, we're not crows or wildlings. Out here, unless we stop fighting each other, we'll just be three more corpses, buried under the snow until winter breaks or maybe until the others raise us back from the dead."
⠀⠀⠀Even the wind seemed to quieten as her voice halted. Carsen sighed, though the sound was snatched away by the gale, and pulled Ygritte's ropes from Jon's stilled hands. "I'll take her. You walk behind." She pushed past him without a backward glance and began to walk, pulling the ropes to get the wildling to move too.
⠀⠀⠀She was stuck between the redhead and the bastard, and something in her sensed it wouldn't be the last time, either.
note — this chapter fucking sucked im so sorry you guys dont deserve this but i was on a 3 day trip to france then i was jetlagged for 2 days then i was too lazy to write so enjoy this garbage.
