affectioNATe [eleven]

VIII - BYE BYE, GOOD PLAN

- affectioNATe -

viii || BYE BYE, GOOD PLAN

‒ – — ―

The two of us walked back inside, where the Ponds were. And Jex.

"I bloody hate guns." I muttered angrily, taking off the gun belt and putting it on the table.

"Was that true? You know about guns?" Rory asked worriedly, and I laughed.

"Please." I said, "Three quarters of the kids had a gun, me included. You always knew how to fire one, steal one, and stop one from working. That, that was child's play."

The Doctor grimaced at me, "It shouldn't have been."

"Well, we can't change that. So what do we do here?" I asked.

"Let me guess." Jex said, and I groaned "The good folk of Mercy wanted me to take a little stroll into the desert. You could turn a blind eye. No one would blame you. You'd be a hero."

"But I can't, can I?" I said, again tired. I was tired of having to decide between him and innocent people, "Because then Isaac's death would mean nothing. Just another bloody casualty in the long list of people live's you've ruined." I spat, and Jex nodded. I had seen what he had done, and I wanted him to know that it disgusted me.

"You think I'm unaffected by what I did? That I don't hear them screaming every time I close my eyes? It would be so much simpler if I was just one thing, wouldn't it? The mad scientist who made that killing machine, or the physician who's dedicated his life to serving this town. The fact that I'm both bewilders you."

"Don't try to understand me," I said, "You're trying to reform yourself, I can see it. The things you did... They were horrible. You committed an atrocity and chose this as your punishment. And, seriously, good choice. Civilised hours, lots of nice people, warm weather, but justice doesn't work like that. You don't get to decide when and how your debt is paid."

"In my culture, we believe that when you die your spirit has to climb a mountain carrying the souls of everyone you wronged in your lifetime. Imagine the weight I will have to lift. The monsters I created, the people they killed. Isaac, he was my friend. Now his soul will be in my arms, too. Can you see now why I fear death? You want to hand me over. There's no shame in that. But you won't. We all carry our prisons with us. Mine is my past. Yours, sweet Natasha, is your morality."

"That's not always a bad thing." I murmered back unsurely, turning away from him.

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