Penny Gets Lucky (girlxgirl)

Chapter 2

Girls are so judgemental.  One of my friends, Sierra, used to go to a co-ed school.  She said that there, the guys were really immature and always joking around.  Basically none of the girls were noisy or disruptive, but they still talked in class and around the guys.  The girls, she said, were way more mature than the guys.  They all accepted each other.  The girls were friends with the girls, the guys with the guys.  The whole grade, however, got along.  Once she said that, I thought that's how all co-ed schools were like that.  Sierra said that the grade below her didn't get along at all, and everyone only had about two friends each because they hated each other so much.  Bottom line: the girls, and the guys, really didn't care what you wore. 

Here, it's a totally different story.

I don't know if it's the all-girls, or if it's the fact that Fairfield is in the richer part of town, but every girl has designer this, designer that.  Tory Burch, Michael Kors, Marc Jacobs, Louis Vuitton, Kenneth Cole, Cole Haan, and the list continues.  Then there's the subtle brands: Gucci, Guess, Prada, Juicy Couture, Coach, LeSportsac, Abercrombie & Fitch, etc etc.  And we have a uniform! Which means that basically bags, pencil cases, blouses, and accessories are what make up this annoying little rich girl pool of stuff worn by little rich girls.  And don't even get me started on dress down days.

I shop at Old Navy, Target, JCPenney, and Goodwill.  Exciting.

So, yeah, I'm pissed that most girls in my school are complete bitches who love their fathers to death, which annoys me to death, but there are two girls that are just DIFFERENT.

First, there's Grace.  She's athletic, but not super super skinny, with long, wavy light brown hair with blonde highlights.  She has freckles sprinkled all over her face, and she has a beauty mark on her upper right arm. She has an older sister, Christine (17-11th grade), and two younger brothers, Sean and Seamus (both 10-4th grade).  She's really funny, but also serious when she needs to be, and crazy smart.

And then there's Ali.  Not short for Alison, or Alice, but for Alexandra.  She's tall, with short, dark brown thick hair.  She has four younger sisters: Ava (11-5th grade) , Anya (7-1st grade), Abigail (3), and Adeline (6 months).

They're both really smart, in all-honors, and they're both rich like most girls in my school.  They're pretty close with each other, although they're not best friends, but I'm not friends with either of them.  The one connection we have friend-wise is that Zoey is friends with Beatrice, who's friends with Grace and Ali.  Grace and Ali are pretty popular, but everyone thinks they're nice.  Beatrice is popular too, but I think it's fair to say that many, including Zoey, sometimes don't know why they hang out with her.

It's like whenever either of the two of them are around, i can't focus.  I look over and Grace is fixing her hair, while Ali's organizing her binder, and I'm starstruck.  It's only them, which is weird.  I really think that I want to go out with both of them (not at the same time, of course), but then I wonder, why? Why do I want to go out with them and kiss them instead of just wanting to be friends with them?  I think it's because, in my opinion, your husband or wife should be your best friend, someone you can talk to always, but also someone who comes and talks to you and tells you how beautiful you are all the time.  Tells you how much they love you.  Which is why I think I want Grace or Ali to be my girlfriend, and not Zoey or Tatiana (my other best friend), because I am in love with them.

I love Zoey and Tati, they're my best friends in the whole world, but when considering who I want to spend the rest of my life with, I see myself partying and hanging out with them, but not starting a family or living with them.  I'm not 100% sure why, but they just don't seem like my kinda long-term relationship gals.

I can't believe I keep having these thoughts! My mom would flip if she ever found out... but is it really wrong? I mean, everyone says that women can do everything men can do, and it's "normal" for men to date women, so why can't I?

Anyway, back to just Grace and Ali.  They're the only two girls I've ever felt attracted to.  But guys, I'm attracted to every straight guy I see between the ages of twelve and twenty-five.  I'm not sure if this has something to with the fact I go to an all-girls school, and I haven't had a normal conversation with a guy that's not my brother in forever, but all guys usually have at least one sexy thing about them.  At least to me.  Hair. Eyes. Nose. Mouth. Lips.  Body. Abs.  Jawline. Hands. Clothes.  

And so, I'm conflicted.  Unsure of who I am.  My brother, Andrew, is putting the quote, "We don't change as we get older, we simply become more clearly ourselves," on his senior yearbook page.  Was I born a lesbian? Or bi?  What am I supposed to be?

The strange thing is, I only started having these feelings this year.  When I was little, I always had a crush on someone's brother or my brothers' friends, but never on a girl.  I stay up at night, not only wondering who I want my first kiss to be from, but whether I want it from a girl or a boy.  What about my first time?  

Who am I?