Growing up Brown

Age 4/5

Age: 4/5

The sound of glass breaking against the floor followed by the screaming of people woke me from my slumber. Groggy from sleep I stumbled out of the bed tripping over some shoes in the process. The screaming became clearer as I made my way to the doorway. I peaked through the white sheet we used as a door. The living room was in shambles. Broken glass scattered all over the small living room we had. My mother was at one corner of the room only feet away from my father. Their voices loud and angry. Screaming words at each other, grabbing anything and everything to hurl at each other. The tears stained my mothers cheeks as she defended herself. I could hear the drunken slur in my fathers voice. There were so many angry hateful words spewing from his mouth. He never stopped. Even when my mother tried to walk away. He snagged her wrist and gripped it in his hand. She struggled to get free and failed every time. His voice never ceased in volume. He was close enough that I could smell the liquor in his breath. But what could I do. I was a small frail child. In the moment my mom managed to get away. Just barely enough time to run to the bathroom. I could hear the door being slammed shut and locked. In my small mind I hoped she was okay. He paced around the small apartment. Slowly getting angrier.
I only ever caught some of the words.
Unaware of their meaning they echoed in my mind
Pendeja
Estupida
Buena para nada.
Pinche India
He repeated the words over and over
Each time with a different phrase. He slowly made his way to the room. I ran to the bed feigning sleep. Not knowing what to expect.
My parents had shared being as it was the only one we could afford. I practically glued myself to the wall afraid of what might happen next. But nothing ever did thankfully. There was the sound of drawers being opened and closed. Some slammed some angrily being closed. Then there was the swish of the curtain and the slam of the front door being closed. It was minutes after that another door could be heard. Followed by the light steps walking towards the room. Then there was a dip in the bed and my mother covered me in a light sheet scooting me closer. I could hear her ragged breathing. She tried to remain calm but I could feel her sadness. What could I do? I didn't understand what was going. What was said or why. So I did the only thing I could think of. I hugged my mother in hopes of comforting her. I could hear her heartbeat. It was strong and fast. Her warm arms enveloped me as she tucked me in closer to her. She slowly sang me to sleep like she would any other night. I fell into a trance of my moms soft voice. Everything faded away in that moment. It was just us. Just my mom and I.