Thoughts

short story of my life

When I was little I was so happy, but very shy because I had social anxiety. It only got worse the more I got older. For the most part I was fine. When people would try to talk to me I remember holding onto my mom or dad's hand and hiding behind them. I would say something like "h-hi" then start crying. Everything for me was fine, I loved my family so much. My brother and I were super close. I miss that. He is four and a half years older than me. He was always so protective of me, but I remember wanting to protect him. I remember putting on dresses and hating them not knowing why. When I was about 5 my parents divorced.

I was at my dad's house and it was time for me and my brother to go back to my mom's house. They met at a gas station. I remember vividly looking through the window of the car as my dad got out. My mom got out of her car. They started fighting, I didn't know what they were fighting about. My mom was trying to get us out of my dad's car. I don't remember how this happened but I remember my mom's foot getting slammed in the door because of my dad. He didn't mean to do it, as he mentioned that later. My mom got us out of the car carrying both of us in one arm as she was limping to her car. She put us in and told us not to get out. We did so. They fought for a long time. I remember seeing a guy driving slowly through the parking lot and then pulling out his phone. I knew he was calling 911. I wanted to tell someone. I was panicking on the inside. I wiped away my tears. Shortly after, the police came. My mom got back to her car. The police asked if my dad slammed her foot on the car door, she said no. Thats how I knew that she still cared about him. They went up to my dad and asked him if he slammed the car door and I remember him having a panic attack and screaming; "yes! Yes I did!" And he was crying. They went up to my mom and asked about why he said that he did. I don't remember the rest very much. I remember the police leaving and they both went home. My brother and I going to my mom's house. I kept asking if my mom was okay and she didn't say anything. She acted as if she was mad at us. She was just trying to act strong. That night my brother and I cried a bunch saying we wanted dad. My mom ended up calling my dad and he came over. He hugged both of us.

This one other time I remember I was in one of my parents cars my my carseat. I was buckled in. My parents were fighting again. My dad grabbed my arm and forcefulling pulled me not realizing I was still buckled in. I was hurt a lot. The mental pain was so much worse though. My dad carried me up to his apartment. I said I wanted mom. I didn't really want mom, I was just scared and didn't know what to say. I can't remember what happened after that.

My mom got into another relationship pretty quickly. She married quickly aswell. I had a step brother, I hated him. I hated the guy my mom married. He hit her a lot. I hated him. My step brother, I can't remember both of their names, he just said; "you can call my dad your dad you know." I shook my head no. I hated that guy. He made me scared. I would never call him my dad. I know who my dad is and I love him. I will never call anyone else my dad.

My mom tattooed a marriage ring on her finger with the guy she married. The marriage definitely didn't last long. They divorced really quickly. I didn't know what my dad was up to during that time. I just stayed at his house on the weekends.

It was a while until my mom and dad called us to the living room. They said they were getting back together. I'm glad they did. I was happy. I didn't see my brother smiling like me. He was frowing. I didn't know why and still don't know why.

I remember school starting and I was so scared. I remember the backpack I had on. Once I actually got there I was not exited anymore. I hated it there. But that's when I met my best friend. Peyton. Me and her were both girls and you'll see why this detail is important later on. We weren't super close but we were friends.

As that went on I remember my brother going through a hard time. My school teared him apart, slowly. I absolutely hate that school. There was another school in the exact same place that he went to. They built a new one. He described it as super comforting, like a house.