High Life :: Hiatus

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Abia and Aina had had to apply as well, but their application had been easier, and they also did not have to face the terrible enemy that was their own minds. Imani had sat in Aina's room, reading her essay at her request, chewing on a pencil, and the thought had struck her that perhaps Imani was the weird one. After all, Aina had sat down and produced her essay in a single afternoon, and while Abia had started much earlier, she had not worried as much as Imani had.

She told Aina her essay was fantastic, laid it delicately on the bed, turned precisely on her heel, and walked to her room to sulk.

And then, the package had arrived.

Early one morning, after Madison and Reneé had visited in the hopes of possibly rescheduling their long-overdue shopping trip, the doorbell had rung. Abia was the first one in the foyer, sliding down the hallway in mismatched socks and throwing open the door to reveal a slim cardboard box.

Imani's mother picked it up and walked to the kitchen in her usual dainty fashion, with Abia, Aina, and Imani following behind, jumping up and down and positively twitching with excitement. Inside was a black leather chest with Milton Lange's emblem stamped in silver on the top, with delicate black latches holding it together. Imani brushed her fingers over the top and gingerly lifted the lid to reveal three envelopes with the school seal emblazoned in the corner, a bound black leather book, and a neatly creased brochure printed on glossy paper.

Imani tore open the letter addressed to her and gasped. She had been accepted. Despite her lack of family legacy, her relative inexperience, and all the other traits she perceived to be "wrong with her," she had been accepted to one of the most prestigious schools in the country.

She leaned over and looked at her sisters' letters. Abia threw hers on the floor and twirled around the kitchen laughing. Aina, on the other hand, tucked the letter carefully into her pocket and hugged their mother, who hugged her back, tears glistening in her eyes. Imani could understand why. Her mother was going to be all alone, without her babies, her habibis, as she so affectionately called her trio of children.

Imani took the letter and the brochure to her room and sprawled on the mattress, holding the letter above her and reading it over and over again. She was going. She was actually going. What on earth was she going to do come next year? She flipped open the brochure and saw a page of college acceptance statistics, numbers like 100 and 95 popping out at her her. She saw the gorgeous campus, too old fashioned to be considered high-tech but somehow quaint and appealing, with cobblestones and tall towers and red brick walls. She was not going to be able to fit in, she knew that much. Memories of her freshman year resurfaced suddenly, pulling her out of the sweltering August day and into a faded image of the past, to a year of panic attacks and crippling shyness and a world so far removed from this one that she couldn't help but be drawn back into the present. It's okay, she told herself. Everything is going to be okay.

But try as she did, the panic attack surfaced, and she tried to remember what the therapist had told her. Her heart began to pound and sweat pooled at her temples, and no matter what she did or thought she felt the overwhelming urge to run to her mother and plead to reject the offer, to go back to her somewhat comfortable life with her best friends in the world she knew best.

Her limbs tensed and she tried desperately to relax her mind. She thought about the opportunities she would be able to receive at Milton Lange. She would be able to dance on a competitive team, pursue world-renowned academic courses, and attend a reputable college. That was when she realized she could not let her mental state destroy this for her. She was going to go. She was going to attend this school even if it shattered her, and she was going to attempt to do it with the grace her mother had drilled into her head from her early years.

Imani stood up, delivered the letter and brochure to her mother wordlessly, and made a silent pact to herself not to let herself fall to such a pitiful state ever again.

Unfortunately, her life for the next few weeks would not allow her to avoid the source of her troubles. There was much to be done, for the simple reason that none of the girls had ever been to boarding school before. Bedding had to be purchased, clothing had to be ordered, monetary affairs had to be set in order. Imani had to somehow manage to keep her mental health in tiptop shape, assisted by a visit to her old therapist and countless mental exercises she did in the dead of night, fighting against her thoughts.

By late August, she was materialistically ready, although her soul had yet to be settled. She and her sisters would be leaving the week before her friends officially went back to to school without her. It seemed all too sudden and all too violent.

So one day, in a fit of desperation, Imani called Reneé and Madison and invited them to Santana Row again, hoping everything would actually work out this time around. She needed new clothes anyway. If she was going to attend a pretentious boarding school, she might as well look the part.

They cruised the mall for hours, filling up bags and emptying their wallets. Imani requested that they go to Forever 21, H&M, Abercrombie, and Hollister (the essentials), and then because Reneé insisted on buying Imani something a little more expensive, they hit Anthropologie, where Reneé bought her three gorgeous floral dresses, all of which added up to an unimaginable sum, but Imani was strangely accepting when Reneé swiped her card without thinking and Madison looked on, sulking.

When she arrived home, Abia and Aina insisted on looking at, exclaiming over, and carefully analyzing every single bit of clothing she had purchased, which resulted in her staying awake much past her usual bedtime, and even when she went to bed, she simply could not sleep.

Now, she was a mere day from boarding the plane unattended, with two irritating siblings in tow (which only intensified her anxiety) and she could not possibly take it. To alleviate her mind, she met up with Reneé and Madison for what would be the last time in a very long time, and they cried and laughed and performed all the normal actions teenagers would perform at such an emotional parting. She ate dinner with her family and savored every bite of the food as well as every word of the conversation. She showered and spent an inordinate amount of time in her bathroom, the one that only her family used. Finally, when she could dawdle no longer, she went to bed, lying in the familiar sheets and inhaling the scent, knowing that by tomorrow night she would be sleeping in brand new ones she had ordered specially for the academy.

Tomorrow, she would board the plane and fly straight to uncertainty. But for today, she had decided she would sleep peacefully through the night, trying to free her mind.