The Void World

CHAPTER 2 - A VOID WORLD Darkness Takes Hold

Your eyes' black gulf, where awful broodings stir,

Brings giddiness; the prudent reveller

Sees, while a horror grips him from beneath,

The eternal smile of thirty-two white teeth.

It was darkness which opened my eyes. Maybe my eyes were open for some time, I'm not sure. I wasn't in the burning building and it didn't smell like smoke anymore. I could feel my body being intact, which was a relief. But my hands were still shaking. I came to realize at that point that I really didn't want to die. I was only following the brightness, because the voice I had heard earlier reminded me of some beautiful, sunny place. Ever since I was a small child, I had been dreadfully scared of the dark. Well, you know, most children have the same problem, but when you are an adult, such phobias are supposed to fade. Mine never did. Being a vagrant, the only dark I could and had to tolerate was the night. Even that bothered me and I frequently found myself being drawn to bright, sunny and open areas. Only then I felt free like a true human being.

But, now... Everywhere was dark. There was absolutely no way of knowing where I was. It didn't feel as if I was dead. Not that I know how one feels when dead, but my chin still hurt and my throat and eyes were still stinging a little. When it dawned on me that I could have been buried alive, a horror took over me. I had to move, get away, and do something. It was so pitch black that even a coffin buried meters under the ground couldn't have been this dark. I started screaming... I screamed until my voice got coarse and not one sound would come out of my mouth anymore. Then I started crying. I cried silently for what seemed like eternity. My whole body felt paralyzed. I could open and close my eyelids, breathe, scream and cry, but my head, arms and legs felt dead... Some time passed. Being alone in this horrific darkness took the only thing that was left of me: My Consciousness.

I tried to move. With a shock slowly expanding over me, I realized that I was lying on my back. But, it felt strange being in that position. Something wasn't right. I had to be on top of something to be lying down and there wasn't anything. With great difficulty, I slipped my hand under my back. There was absolutely nothing holding me, yet I was lying. I think I lost consciousness again for a while. When I opened my eyelids again, I somehow sensed that I wasn't lying down anymore. I was in a sitting position, but there wasn't anything to sit on. I blinked my eyes over and over again. I tried to adjust my sight to the dark. If my eyes adjusted, maybe, just maybe I could make something out of my surroundings. But, nothing happened. I shut my eyelids. I shut them to the point my eyes hurt. Nothing happened. I was scared to try and see something. The dread of being in the dark for long started filling my heart with horror. I wanted to sleep, and then open my eyes and see daylight. I wanted so desperately to hear that voice again in the gloomy city.

***

I think I woke up. By the time I think I woke up, I had lost the ability to sense what kind of a state I was in. This could simply be a nightmare. A hellish, gruesome nightmare... I felt my eyelids closing again. I was afraid to move. The air, or whatever it was, seemed to be holding me in place. It was funny in a way, because there was absolutely nothing around me. I was free as a damn bird without wings so to speak... I felt myself drifting into a creepy, ominous sleep.

***

When I woke up again, something inside was telling me that my fear was pretty useless here. I wasn't dead, I wasn't in the foggy city and somehow I knew that I wasn't the same old me. It's strange how one's utmost fear – the dark in my case – diminishes if the circumstances are right. Well, I'm not sure if 'right' is the 'right' word, but my fear, after I entered the burning building and found myself here, had almost transgressed into nothingness.

***

I don't think I'm scared anymore. It seems that all I do is sleep; open my eyelids to find myself on the verge of screaming with horror and slowly closing my mouth when my one and only enemy can no longer take hold of me. Terror is a bad, bad habit one cannot easily discard. It sticks to your soul, follows you throughout time like a faithful friend. Until it comes out like a fiend and suffocates you. Terror is the friend fiend. It's that evil inside.

***

I decided to give a name to my hollow existence. All I see and cannot see is the dark and here I am, changing positions once in a while to see whether I can still move without slipping away or not. As if that matters... I am Caleb. Caleb the Vagrant with the shaky hands: Nothing more, nothing less.

***

I felt the tiniest urge of boredom when I opened my eyelids. Now, that was a first! Yet, I can't help but feel that I'm making progress towards something. Something unfamiliar, which fills my heart with the desire to see light again.

***

I cried. I slept. I felt a sensation familiar to urinating. My hands trembled to a light sound that echoed in my ears like the fluttering of wings. The sound also reminded me of whispers. I hate it when my mind plays tricks on me, but I could definitely not define the sound that filled my head. If I were in the city, I could have sworn to have heard strange words that were almost from a foreign language that I once knew. The four words I heard before finding myself here still swarming in my head: Elu, Alka, Taru Enu... A part of me knew what they meant. I didn't know how this could be possible. However, the words had triggered something buried deep in my heart and had led me to the burning building.

***

"I feel like a century old, withered oak tree. I'm hollow inside. It's as if whatever was inside me prior to coming here has leaked out and left me with a carved body. I don't know what I am. I used to be Caleb. Yeah. Ca-leb. You know... The vagrant guy with the shaky hands. Care to know something about my vagrancy? There we go! Now, I'll start blubbering about who I am and so on. But, just one thing if I may say so: I'm as real as Ripley, only luckier. Remember the line, Hark, hark the dogs bark, the beggars are coming to town? Do you also remember that I'm definitely not a beggar? Anyway, if my mind had not been full to the brim with the images of my past, I could have grown a conviction as to what I am by now. But, I'm not sure. I feel as if the child Caleb is still lurking in my gray matter somewhere. I remembered my eighth birthday all of a sudden and tried to figure out whether it was of any importance. Not a clue! It was as ordinary as any child's any given birthday: A picture perfect cake, a crowd, lots of noise, candles and a smiling me. Remembering that day was like looking at myself from a distance. I could see a happy child about to blow the candles. Then, my mind jumped back to the burning house with the dark form. I vaguely remember coughing like a crazed old man and collapsing on the floor. Smoke gets in your eyes? Where the hell did that come from?"

***

... when a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes.

***

A name, a name... What's in a name? It's dark... So dark that I cannot bring myself to call this engulfing black abyss merely dark. It penetrates deep into my soul, forcing me think that this vastness is all there is...Yet, I know that this place is just a small part of the world that I unknowingly took refuge in. Imagine losing your ties with time and place and opening your eyes to see the horror of not seeing anything but a ghastly emptiness, colored like a million lapis lazuli. Emptiness, an overwhelmingly creepy darkness and being stuck in an ethereal plane... A Void World.

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