Its not the END[samhwi삼휘]

...

The tension in the venue was unbelievable...I can't believe that I am here sitting on the rank #3.Two more seats are vacan. It is the moment of truth. After that...the show will come to finality.

I cant stay still on my seat due to quiet pressure,my hands are cold,wet from sweating while my heart is beating frantic against my ribcage that anytime soon, I could have a panic attack.

My nervousness is slowly growing inside me, eating me alive. Afraid that he couldn't make it...scared of the possibility that we may have to be separated. To not witness each other grow. And more importantly, to not be able to stand in the same stage with him.

We had ce this far,and I don't want to be apart with him,he deserved to sit on one of the 11 seats,he deserved to debut.

I drew my attention on the other remaining trainees on the stage,until my gaze fell on Sam, on that familiar newly dyed purple hair of his. Before I know it, his eyes were already locked on mine. He plastered a smile-more of a grin on his face when we locked gazes and gabe me a thumbs up.

I shook my head in disbelief on how could he even act like his okay in this situation--because he's not. We're not...

He had told me once how badly he wants to debut. To have that dream seize in the palm of your hands but only it bursts into nothingness.

As we wait for the 2 nominees for the center to be announced,our gazes never left each other. A silent prayer that everything they have dreamt of may be a reality.
_____

The crowd where I am could be compared to an ocean of tears which I am slowly becoming a part of. Trainees were busy bustling here and there,never failed to shake hands and hug friends or either companions that they missed,some are congratulating the trainees that will debut...who made it on the top 11.

The venue was drowned in sound of cries--either it is because tears of sadness or tears of joy, but the fact that the continuous shedding of tears was because of the mixed feelings that we have,was causing our hearts to hurt or either in pain was just the same and no difference at all--or it is just me...

Some trainees would try to approach me in the crowd,to congratulate me for being in the top 11--but instead of thanking them,I unconsciously pushed the trainees that is blocking my way since my mind was too preoccupied and blank--and all I could think about--the person that I was trying to search for and the one that I need right now is Sam--my Muel.
I continue to push myself in the crowd to spot a light purple hair that belongs to him--but I couldn't find him in the crowd,there are too many people,too many that I couldn't spot him.Before I knew it,my vision is getting blurry because of the tears that are threatening to fall as I let my head fall lifelessly while standing and not moving in my area.Things are complicated,I couldn't understand at all,why of all people,why must it be him that couldn't debut?why couldn't we debut together?
These thoughts came crossing my mind,because of the lack of acceptance that he didn't made it--and I couldn't accept it.

I was still in the middle of the crowd,not moving an inch from my position earlier.The crowd was drowned in chatters and completely noisy,but for me,everything is a mute,I couldn't hear anyting.
Im lost,like an explorer who knows what a specific thing to find,yet,didnt know how to search it...

My eyes was filled with tears that are threatening to fall,and just for one blink,the tears would completely fall ot of my eyes.

The fact that I couldn't find or see him immediately made me feel even worse and be worry for what he felt,and--I would lie if I say,I dont feel disappointed even a little bit,because this is the first time-- the very first time, that Im the one who came looking for him in this final elimination round,unlike the other previous eliminations ,that he's the one who was searching me and not me searching him.