The Hen Party

Chapter 2

Day 1

KATE

"Attention, passengers of Monarch flight ZB226 to Palma, your flight has been delayed. Your new departure time is in approximately one hour."

The announcement over the tannoy was met with a unanimous groan of disappointment. They had arrived so early they had already been waiting two hours. Kate fought a strong urge to back away and hide in the toilets. She didn't do hen parties. All her friends knew that. Yet here she was, about to lead and direct a hen party abroad which would be viewed by half a million people.

She caught Fiona winking at her as she lifted her glass of champagne. "I think that calls for another bottle, am I right?"

The groans morphed into cheers.

"Another one?" Kate said, her voice coming out a little too high.

Fiona looked aghast. "Why? Is there a limit?"

"Uh no...not at all."

No limit. The girls were supposed to be pampered and treated like celebrities for seven whole days. Another cork soon popped to jubilant shrieks. Kate became aware of people turning to stare. She recognised the tense looks, the silent plea in their eyes: please, God, don't let me be on the same flight as those women! Everyone except the hungry-eyed blokes nursing pints at the entrance of the Wetherspoons pub. They were assessing which hen might be most up for joining the mile high club. Kate shuddered at the thought. She had never understood the appeal of having sex in a swaying cubicle which was already sticky with the bodily fluids of past passengers.

The hens certainly stood out that morning in their pink sequined boob tubes and denim hot pants. Beneath her buoyant blonde beehive, Fiona's soft round face was a glowing tribute to fake tan. Everything about her shimmered. Her full lips were slippery with nude gloss and her thick eyelids glittered gold. She had even rubbed some sort of glitter trail down to her cleavage which made an appearance whenever her boob tube started to slip. Which it did – down over her large boobs and up over the swell of her muffin top. Kate noticed Fiona didn't adjust her top in a hurry and seemed confident with her curves.

Chioma, or Chi, as everyone called her, was also hard to miss, as nestling in her unruly afro was a headband with an erect plastic penis bobbing up and down on a coiled spring. She had further complemented her outfit with a silver bowtie and oversized sunglasses with pink lenses. With her flat stomach and tiny waist, Chioma looked much younger than her twenty-eight years. She had a striking face, with a defined angular jaw and full lips that split into a contagious toothy smile at the smallest hint of a joke. A red earphone cable trailed down her neck and she was quietly bopping to a beat no one else could hear.

Then there was Clare, who had opted for a genitalia wand rather than upset her freshly curled hair with a head piece. She waved the wand whenever she got excited, which was so often the rubbery penis was starting to come loose. To complete the Titillating Tinker Bell look, Clare was also wearing a pair of glittery wings. Unfortunately the wings had been designed for a smaller model and the elastic arm loops strained across her plump back, separating the fat into an assortment of bulges.

The sister of the groom, Jem, hadn't quite embraced the tacky fancy dress and had put her phallic accessories in her Mulberry handbag for safekeeping. She had also partially covered up with a cream bolero.

Quite possibly the guys in Wetherspoons were placing their bets that Clare would be the easiest conquest since she was reacting most quickly to the booze. Sam was out of the question as she had a copy of Mother & Baby magazine sticking out of her hemp handbag and was alternating her sips of champagne with gulps from a bottle of sparkling water. She'd had baby George eighteen months earlier and Kate had already heard all about the 'magical' home birth on the way through security.