ephemeral // jalas

prologue

If I could fulfil one wish, it'd be to stop thinking for just one second.

I know what you're thinking. Probably something along the lines of 'wow he's nuts let's get out of here' but hold on, I'm not done yet. Let me explain a few things. My name is James and I'm chasing a fine arts degree in college. I live in New York, America. Yeah that's all you need to know about me.

I think too much, I think. I'm constantly skipping from one thought to another and there's so many ideas inside my head that I want to express but can't because it's A) too hard to or B) weird, even for me. I don't consider myself an anxious person but everyone else does so I guess I'll call myself anxious. Art's the thing that lets me vent because I can draw all this gore and macabre scenery without people thinking I'm a nutcase - well, more of a nutcase than usual. Because sometimes I'm just exhausted and generally unwilling to do everything and then boom a month later I feel like going to the moon and screaming all the way to the next galaxy. Which would be fine if i didn't live in an apartment block with this old lady next to me. Don't get me wrong, she's a nice woman but she doesn't tolerate my wildness as much as a teenager would because teenagers are just as weird as I am. I've had to replace the carpet five times over the two years I've lived here because the paint won't stay in its palette and it's expensive. Too expensive. So I'm broke because most of my money is spent on paint, canvases, sketchbooks, paintbrushes, pencils and all that other artsy shit. Also the carpet.

College is fun I guess, apart from the fact that there's way too many people around and it feels like I'm being suffocated when I leave class and everyone's swarming around the door and crushing me. So we have to deal with all this theory bullshit for the first year before we can actually do art and that pisses me off because I want to art.

I guess you could say that I'm ephemeral. There's short periods of manic and periods of just meh. Then it all just wilts away and there's nothing left. And the cycle stars anew. That's weird.

Ephemeral...