Pray With Me

10. KISS THE GIRL (During and After X- Files episode Millennium.)

The last days of the year they were assigned to a new case. It was related to the Millennium group. They haven't seen each other since before Christmas so he wished her Merry Christmas when he was examining the recently open grave that lead to the first clue of the case. He hoped she couldn't hear on his voice that he had thought about her all that time and missed her like crazy.

Back in the hole it was easier for Scully to pretend his partner was nothing more than that, but when he wished her Merry Christmas her heart leapt with gratitude knowing that he didn't forgot. She wanted to tell him that she missed him, but bit her lip and inquired about the case.

According to Mulder this time involved necromancers. She deemed it tomb desecration. They found out an agent that could help them checked himself in a mental institution to gain custody of his daughter. The case ended up with Scully having a close encounter with a walking dead thankfully thwarted by the necromancer. Mulder got the worst part, though. His shoulder was injured, but with the help of Mr.Black things resolved before there were more innocent victims, and before Mulder ended up in worst shape.

Mulder was checked out and they both were ready to go home. Scully got distracted with the video of the new year's ball falling. She almost forgot that it was midnight already. People were celebrating a new stage of their lives. Scully for a second lost herself thinking about what they new year might bring.

Mulder didn't predicted it was going to be like this, considered if he should. Was he willing to wait an entire year for another chance? Could he? It was now or never.

Scully felt Mulder's head turning towards her. She thought for a second he wanted to say something, but she was pleasantly surprised when his lips touched hers, like it was the most natural thing in the world. The heat irradiating from their lips made its way towards all their senses. Awakening even more of those needs buried under years of work, cases, autopsies, fears, denial and frustrations. A kiss long enough to be more than just a welcoming of the year, more than kissing a friend for tradition's sake. A kiss that had the promise of being the first one of many.

Mulder's plans crumbled under the weight of her lips molding to his. He didn't expected this. She was responding like he never could imagine she would. Was it possible that there was any hope for him? That maybe, maybe he was not just the annoying big brother, or the pesky co-worker she put up with. Is it possible that she maybe wanted him the same way? Can life be that good to him?

He was feeling the impulse of deepening the kiss, take her on his arms, hold her closer... This was not the right place or moment. His mind was reeling with all the possibilities when both felt that they should stop before the kiss became even more than it was.

Their eyes still locked on each other. Mulder smiled his heart full of hope and wonder, Scully responded, her eyes playful, inviting.

"The world didn't end..," he said trying to sound nonchalant. But a new world was just beginning for him and hopefully for her.

"No, it didn't..," she said. Maybe that is what she thought it will happen if they ever crossed this line. The world will end.

The thoughts of the possibilities were racing in their minds. Mulder wished her a happy New Year and she did the same. He put his handover her shoulder and walked towards the car. They didn't say anything on the way.

Since he was injured she took the driver's seat. He leaned in the seat and closed his eyes. She thought he might be groggy from the narcotics they gave him for his shoulder pain. Was this going to be like that time he told her he loved her in an altered state? She remembered, but she couldn't conceive at the time he meant it. Did he actually loved her? Well they loved each other that was sure, but they weren't in love, were they? Better not to think about that. This might be a one-time impulse like it had happened before. She felt the disappointment dawning on her like a dark mask. She drove in silence neither of them wanting to say anything. She parked the closest space to his entrance. Turned the car off and waited. Waiting for him to leave and pretend nothing happened for the rest of their lives. Her chest constrained into a small space, she couldn't breathe. He spoke first.

"I have been thinking about kissing you for a long time now..," he said with his eyes still closed like he was talking to himself. Her heart was violently beating against her breastbone. He was talking about it, finally. There was not going back this time.

"How long?" She asked. He opened his eyes to answer, but he didn't look in her direction. They stayed fixed on the ceiling of the car.

"Longer than I was willing to admit to myself..." He took a deep breath "But this was not how I imagined it..," he said still avoiding her eyes. Was he disappointed? Was this a conversation to end things before they even begun?

"No?" He smiled and looked at her now.

"I thought you will give me a black eye." She chuckled relieved.

"Ah..." She remembered that conversation.

"Scully, I know that... sometimes I take you for granted,"She couldn't deny that. She was mostly shocked that he was acknowledging it at all. He wasn't the talk about my feelings type. Technically neither was she, but now it seemed that avoiding talking about this was more emotionally taxing than finally saying something. He continued.

"I don't do it on purpose, you know? I just...I get these moments when my obsessions blind me. Where I can feel the truth right at my fingertips so close that I could touch it. And finally I could justify all the time I've wasted, all the losses we had been through, maybe find my sister and have some peace..." He looked at her with sadness on his eyes. She knew what he was talking about. She knew it too well.

"That is when I lose sight of the most important person in the world for me... " Her heart's palpitations almost broke her rib cage.

"And you think I don't know that, Mulder?" That was a strange presumption he knew she understood. Just because she wasn't chasing every X-files thinking it was going to be the key to everything they had worked for all these years, it didn't mean she didn't understand how important this was.

"I know you do. I just wanted to let you know that when I'm paying attention I think about you, about how can I make you happy. I usually think the best way is to keep my distance. So that is what I had done for a long time. Fighting every fiber of my being not to drag you deeper into this black hole that is my life." Scully was misty-eyed. How could he think distance was for the best? He should know at this point how much she needed him.

"I tried my best not to let you know so I wouldn't commit any more mistakes with you...Except for tonight..." Scully felt a lump on her throat.

"If you felt it was a mistake why...?"

"I thought I could get away with giving you friendly peck. Then pretend that it was nothing and still be friends..." The sadness on his voice seemed to add more regret. He paused looking at her finally. Scully avoided his eyes, nervously she played with her knuckles.

"That didn't felt friendly to me..."

"I know...I lost track of the time." He whispered. She looked at him again. His eyes landed on her lips, the intensity of his sight made her feel disoriented for a second. Mulder closed his eyes again. Scully was trying to gather some coherent thoughts.

"Scully, I failed at the first part but I still can try to pretend nothing happened... If that is what takes for you to come to work every day and still be my friend," he said, his eyes still fixed on ceiling. She couldn't expect less, he was giving her a chance to go back to the things as they were, not harm done. His hands were balling into fists and she could see his necklines tense. This was definitely not what he wanted.

"Mulder,I wasn't giving you a friendly kiss either..," he said nothing.

"You are not dragging me, I'm following you because I want to. Obviously I also want more than work and friendship from you too." Mulder's smile's grew almost imperceptibly.

"But I know what is like to want something, but choose not to pursue because you cannot live with the consequences," A memory from her past was reminding her that it wasn't this simple.

"If you want to move forward or if you decide that this is a mistake. I will still go back to work because I care about The X-Files and I will still be your friend because I care about you." He nodded, his expression unsure. He opened his car door.

"I will see you soon, Scully," he said. He waved with his good hand and turned around. She wasn't sure what will happen the next time they see each other. In a few hours with a clear head he might decide to forget the whole thing. She really didn't want that, but then what did she want?