In Between

Just a moment would be fine

Just a moment would be fine. . . . .

That was what he whispered laying on top of me. I could feel his breathing near my neck, the heat of his body against mine, his soft black hair just touching the side of my cheek. I felt my heart beat escalated, what am I going to do?

We lay there, on that awkward slope for more than a moment. A minute turned to two, and I couldn't handle the silence anymore. I mustered up as much courage as I got and asked him "What, what do you want from me?"

I waited for him to speak, to say anything, to laugh this off as a joke, a stupid prank of his. I reminded myself to stop jumping to conclusions. Stop thinking that we could be more then friends. We will never be more than anything. We were just two boys poking fun with one another, nothing more, and nothing less.

Don't for once imagine that we could have a happy ending. Don't for once imagine that this meant something. Remember the pain that I felt the day my father walked out of the door, leaving behind a wounded mother and a heart broken son. Don't. .. .. .

Before I could string anymore thoughts together, I felt him shifted. He moved right above me, his face lingering over mine, his arms caging me in, our feet tangled together. He looks at me straight in the eye, a devilish smile spread across his face but he soon drops it.

"I'm sorry for forcing a kiss on you the other day at the courtyard in school. I didn't want you to get upset." He said with a gentle smile across his face. That was an expression I would have never imagined on his face. Especially not directed to me. I wanted to say it was fine, I wanted to thank him for saving me from She Li. I wanted to do so much more then what I chose to do. Instead of thanking him, instead of trying to bring whatever this was to another level, I chose to get mad.

"Fuck off, I knew you were doing this on purpose." I screamed as I violently shoved him off and rolled to my side. I got to get out of here, I need to get away from him. I needed to think. I made quick haste to get back up on my feet and hustled away towards my home and away from him. Surprisingly, he had let me go. There was no man-handling on his side, there was no violent shouts or tackles. There was just my breathing and footsteps in the empty huge courtyard. Just as I was about to make a turn towards my street I heard him shout.

"I love you!" I stopped dead in my tracks, did I just hear him say that? Before I could think of anything else he continued.

"Or at least I know I have fallen way too hard for you to fall out now redhead!" It was like suddenly the world went quiet. Like there was no cars passing by and no houses awake. It was just his voice piercing through the cold air. I started to turn my head but stopped myself before I could see him. No, I don't want to find out if he was joking or not. I won't be able to bear it if, it was all a joke. A stupid sick joke, a ridiculous prank that he was trying to pull off. I dashed off down the street and didn't stop till I was back in my room. But even my room wasn't safe from him anymore, it was like he was right here with me. I swear I could still smell his cologne on my bed, still feel his weight on me. I went to take another shower, as I was undressing myself, I heard a soft 'cling' onto a floor. I reached down to see what had dropped, and there it was on the floor, the stupid earring he gave me earlier today.

I sat there in my shower, naked, alone and cold. With the shower head pounding on my back, I gripped the earring tightly in my hands. Before I knew it, I felt tears streaming down my face. All I could think to ask was what are we going to do?

Urgh was my first train of thoughts, after the cold shower, I had dragged myself to bed and just collapsed. My phone had rang through the night and there was countless of messages all from him, but I chose to ignore it all. I got dressed for school and made my way into the kitchen to grab a fast breakfast. I thought my mother wasn't home anymore but I was mistaken. She was seated at the dining table packing two lunches into my school bag.