Abigail (Criminal Minds)

He made his way to the bed and sat down, putting his hand on my knee. "It's been hard. That was expected. I shouldn't have pushed you like that. But, he's still out there Abby. You have to be careful."

"I know, and I am. It's okay, really.... I just had a hard day, that's all," I replied. The sooner we could get this over, the better.

"No, Abigail, it's not. I'm not playing around. This is serious stuff. You can't just go off doing whatever. It's not safe, and you know that, yet why you keep doing this, I don't know. "

"I know it is Derek. You weren't there. You didn't see your whole family shot before you. Your not being stalked by their murderer. You don't know anything about it okay? All you know is the crap from the case file. You weren't the one stuck in the hospital for who knows how long trying to get over the shock of having no family and dealing with a concussion and broken ankle. You don't know. You just don't......" It hurt me to say this to his face. I know that he was just trying to help but sometimes it was just so hard.

"Abby," he said softly. Derek put his hand on my shoulder. "I know. But I need you safe so we can catch this guy. No more late nights with your friends until we've got him. We can't risk it. "

"I want him in jail," I muttered. "And I'm going to do whatever it takes to get him in there, Derek. And you can't stop me. "

He looked at me for a moment before replying. "There's a difference between being crazy and being brave."

"I know."

He got up from the bed. "Get ready, we need you at the office."

Now there were the words I wanted to hear.

***************

I didn't know why or how, but coming into Derek's office gave me this undescribable drive. It made me feel like I was making a difference somewhere, in someone's life so that maybe they wouldn't have to suffer like me. It makes me want to catch Marcus even more.

I pushed open the doors of the BAU office with a smile on my face. I loved this place.

"Hi, Spencer," I said hopping ontop of his desk, blocking the view of the computer screen. Spencer, also known as Reid, was the smart one of the group. He knew everything anyone could ever care about and beyond. Plus he was only 25 and not too shabby if I say so myself.

"Hello, Abigail," he said cooly.

"Did ya miss me?" I asked, swinging my legs in a sweet, innocent little girl kind of way.

"Tons."

"I knew it," I said sweetly and kissed him on the cheek before moving on to the next co-workers desk.

I had said my drawn-out "hello" s to almost everyone when Derek gave me a look and told me to come into the meeting room.

Hotch, "Mr. Boss Man" as I liked to call him, was talking to Derek, his voice low, and stopped when I came in. Everyone else was seated in their usual spots, chatting casually among themselves. There was one empty seat reserved for me in between Derek and Rossey, the second in command. Of course. They just loved to show me who was boss. This - the whold chair thing - was their favorite way.

"Hi," I said awkwardly as I sat down. I looked around at the team. Hotch never smiled. He was always so serious and to be honest kind of scared me. Derek, well ya know. Rossey scared me too, but in the way that he kind find out some of my secrets without me even knowing. I tried to stay away from him - I had too many secrets that nobody - especially the team - could find out. J.J. was like a sister to me. She was always there when I needed her - she's like my 2 AM. Emily is more like a mom to me than anything. She cares so much and has just been so sweet to me ever since I came into her life. Garcia. Oh Garcia. She's amazing. She's one of my best friends. I love her. If I were to tell anyone about Marcus's special visit, it would be her - if I didn't bring into attetion the fact that she tells Derek everything. Finally, Spencer. I use him as my last homework guide. I know it's mean but I play with his emotions a lot too. But I try to stay away from him though because he is also an impeccable profiler.

Hotch stood up and looked it me with such dileberation it made me squirm. "Abigail, there have been come murders."

I did one of those cliche gasps, only I didn't mean for it to be sarcastic. I couldn't say anything so I just nodded in response.

"I'm going to show you some pictures and tell me if you recognize the victims." His voice was uncharacteristically not scary.

When he started the slide-show I knew things wouldn't be good. The first picture was horrible. It was of little Lily Rodgers. I babysat her in middle school. She was the perfect little girl. I loved her so much.

"Oh, God," I whispered. Everyone was looking at me, calculating my next move. If I left crying they wouldn't let me stay in the investigation but if I stayed here...... There was only one pitcture so far and I was already loosing it.

Derek gave me his "Everything okay?" look. I nodded; Hotch showed the next picture.

Her older brother. Tommy Rodgers. He was my first kiss. Dead? No, he couldn't be. I knew I was going into denial but that was my only defense now.

My eyes welled up.

"Hotch, I don't think this is a good idea," Emily said, shooting him the evil eye.

Hotch looked at me for approval.

"How many more victims are there?" I asked quietly. I wasn't sure anybody heard me for a second.

"Their parents," Hotch said.

I cried. Right then and there. I didn't care if they pulled me out of the investigation now. This was just too much.

"Is this because of me?" I said between sobs. "Is it Marcus?"

Everyone looked to Hotch.

They weren't telling me something.

My hands started to shake and I began to wail. I couldn't keep it in. Other times I would have just kept the pain inside but now it was too much.

"Hotch. Turn it off, " Derek said sterntly.

I took in a deep breath, trying to reign myself in. "Who did it?"

He didn't answer. Instead he sent looks to everyone in the team and they all started to neaten their already straight papers and pack up their stuff.

I pulled my legs up to my chest and stared at a spot on the wall.