{H2OVanoss} Short Stories

Missing Him

Story Nine

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:))

Evan's POV

Pure silence. The only consisting sound that I could hear was the soft purrs of my car as I made my way to the cemetery and the quiet sound of my radio as it played some Metallica songs. My fingers drummed the steering wheel out of habit when my favorite band played. Just imagining myself back home stringing my guitar strumming the tune of the songs that I learned by heart. But instead of doing that I'm here in the apparently quiet roads visiting my late boyfriend. I looked down the at the passenger's seat where a dozen red roses laid tied together.

His death still hasn't fazed me completely. Ah, who am I kidding, it hasn't even fazed me at all. Not even a little.

 I approached the gates to the cemetery and drove right through. Rows and rows of tombstones, old and recently new tombstones. They filled the many acres of the land as far as the eye can see.

I drove a bit slower this time not trying to pass Jonathan's grave in which I did several times in the past. I parked my car and hopped off with the bouquet of roses in my hand. Then approached his grave.

I smiled as I read his name carved into the stone 'Jonathan Vorhees Denis' and still from this very day his middle name haunts me for some unknown reason.

Well, sort of unknown.

His dad going by that name as he was very known for a messed up serial killer. And when Jason wasn't Jason Vorhees... people said, that knew him, that he acted a bit strange. Paranoid even and always kept to himself. Why am I babbling about this? Well because Jonathan acted the same way. He kept to himself at all times when it came to mentioning about his 'job', he kept so many secrets from me. And the most disappointing thing about this was that he ended up killing a man, Jenna was the one to tell me. It's like all those years of dating Jonathan was pointless. Like the person, I came to know was just an illusion.

I imagine it like this, the Jonathan I came to know was a shell, protective armor that shielded what was on the inside.

Was everything a fucking lie?

Was everything about him a lie?

It's really hard to believe everything, it's like I never even knew him from the start. But then again, he was never like that.

"God... why haven't you said anything?" I murmured placing the roses against the gray tomb.

I was positive that I was going to make it without you, but every time I come to this place I come to the conclusion that I was lying to myself.

"Why did you lie to me, not just me but to your friends too. Haven't you even thought about your sisters, Jonathan, not even the slightest bit?" Anger boiled in me. I was just too fed up with everything that's going on. "Haven't you ever thought about them, how it will affect them?"

"Did you even care for any one of us? You kept everything to yourself as you fought battles by yourself. We could have helped you... we could of have done something. Why the sudden change in mind, huh? Did you even care about our feelings? Luke's feelings? My feelings?!" I begin to yell as tears pricked at my eyes. This is stupid, this is bullshit. "Did you even love me? Because really, all this bullshit about you killing some guy is really unbelievable. You'd never do that; the Jonathan I knew would never do that!" I huffed out a breath my mind completely clouded by the sudden anger.

"Why would you do this, huh?! We could have done something, helped you in any way we can! Where is the Jonathan that never ran away from anything? Where is he? Tell me, where is he! Where is the Jonathan that I always skyped ... finding him half asleep... clutching at his brown teddy bear that his mom gave him when he was three?... please... p-please... tell me, where is he?" I fell onto my knees crying into my hands as many memories of me and Jonathan flashed in my mind.

How could I move on from this! How could I? I loved Jonathan, I loved him so much and this is what I get? Is this karma? Is this my punishment for cheating on him? Why... Why God, why? I don't want this... I never wanted this.

I want to see him again... For one last time at least. I never got to say goodbye, I never got to tell him so many things. I just want to see his smile. I want to hear his bubbly laugh for one last time, is that so much to ask? Can't I just kiss him, one more time?

One more time, please, one more fucking time!

"I'll make it without you Jonathan, I swear to god, I'll keep living... And somehow... Someday... I'll forget you and I won't be bothered anymore... Won't even care." Though as my body's lay here, it's my mouth that must be lying.

I know he's out of my reach now and there's nothing I can do, he's no longer here with me.

When I think of him my eyes begin to rain. And it really hurts when I think of you, Jonathan. I miss your eyes.

When I see those pictures of you smiling it makes me want to get lost in them, remembering the good times we had... I will always cherish them. What keeps me sane right now is knowing I have memories of us, the pictures captured a glimpse, but my heart captured everything like film recorder.

Why were you taken from me? I always asked God but he never answered. 

I miss you baby... when you died, a part of me died too. I never knew how hard it was to lose someone you love until you did.